"I expect to pass through this life but once. If, therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to my fellow being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.
WILLIAM PENN
1. Procrastination enables most of your problems...
to take care of yourselves.
***
2. Keep your ducks in a row...why you should do so is unknown.
3. Keep a stiff upper lip...but grow a mustache to cover it.
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4. If your princess wears glass slippers ...don't ask her to dance.
5. You can't pay the piper...with a VISA card.
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6. To be greedy for more happiness is no vice...except at another's expense.
7. Don't change your mind more often... than you change your underwear.
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8. Groundhogs are really woodchucks...who can't chuck wood.
one...but you sure would look funny.
***
10. Opportunity knocks...temptation comes in the back door.
Sturdley Shinglehammer, the world's worst living poet submits his latest poem:
THE BEAR
"This is the best...to laugh with someone because
you think the same things are funny."
GLORIA VANDERBILT
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Copyright HTStone 2010
THE BEAR
The bear climbed the tree,
To see what he could see.
***
All the trees were down,
Bricks littered the ground.
***
Another new subdivision,
Was hard to envision.
***
Can't there just be, he cried,
Room enough for both me and thee?
you think the same things are funny."
GLORIA VANDERBILT
"I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions,
the curtain was up."
OSCAR WILDE
"Leave me a message on my answering service and I'll get back with you...
if I'm interested."
STRUTZ THE CAT
"I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself."
OSCAR LEVANT
"I realized either I was crazy or the world was crazy;
and I picked on the world.
And of course I was right."
JACK KEROUAC
"He hasn't a single redeeming vice..."
OSCAR WILDE
I checked with Sturdley Phosphate over in Soda City, and he tells me the Christmas Parade had to be postponed until next weekend. It seems that Santa's Float which was built over Sturdley's 1975 Ford pickup was unable to make it out of the garage. Both rear wheels fell off as the transmission turned into steel-flavored Jello.
Santa uttered a few choice expletives as the reporter from the "Soda City Scene" took notes and photographs; the mayor and council, on hand to start the Christmas Parade, dissolved into a muttering mob of blame-placing politicians; and all the little kiddies bawled and sniffled while the older kids did cat-calls and whistles; and hot cider was poured up for all.
After singing all the choruses of "Jingle Bells" the bands, the float participants, the mothers and children of all ages headed for the warm hearths of home (except for the Soda City Fire Dept. which was called out for Barlow Bodine's bonfire that got out of control.) Harley Hurler has donated one of his new (2003) Ford 150s on which to place the Sleigh for next week's attempt if a new Santa can be found to replace the current intoxicated clown.
