Generic Maxim's No. 4

1. The only things at a flea market that haven't been used are the books.

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2. Conquer your personal demons...they could be useful later on.

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3. Live for what matters...getting stuff!

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4. Help others with what you have learned in life... but charge them for the book and CD.

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5. Open the front door when opportunity knocks...but make sure the screen door is locked.

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6. Go the extra mile...you need to burn the calories.

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7. Put the last things first...that makes them easier.

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8. Save lives...don't let anyone see you naked and die laughing.

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9. Someday you'll look back on your life and ask...where did I leave my keys?

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10. Don't judge yourself by your salary or waist size.

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I am reminded that no lesser mind than Thomas B. Macauley remarked that, "Nothing is so useless as a general maxim."  The great literary light has revealed a truth to all of us, and I would be one of the first to concur with the statement. I have resolved that in this minor work I will never write a general maxim; foolish or nonsense maxims I may pen, but general ones never...never, I say, sir or madam. I would rather write the greatest balderdash than to write that bane of all journalists...generalization!  Maxims should be written to inform, to educate, to entertain, to pass an idle hour, completely absorbed in the greatest nonsense since one's first infatuation. Words to soothe the savage breast;  soften the civilized veneer; and liposuction, augment, tighten lift and tuck the mind. As my friend and barber, Sturdley Axehandle, said to me, "Count, stop annoying me with your maxims and listen to my problems!" I told him that he needed to maximize his mojo. Warning: Do not try writing maxims at home. Leave this to a professional or at least to a semi-professional.

 

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