1. Civility makes friends...

and hides hypocrisy.

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2. Here's how life works...you have your house re-roofed, and then you get the shingles.

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3. Time seems to change everything... except credit card payments.

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4. Your shoes haven't been broken in yet...

much less your mind.

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5. Perhaps man is just tall, thinking clay.
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6. In this life, you get what you deserve and what you ask for...but not necessarily in that order.

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7. It's said that a little learning is a dangerous thing... but so is a whole lot of ignorance.

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8. You can have it all...if you have a place to put it.

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9. Basically, the trouble with the rat race is... 

that it is hard not to step on the rats.

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10. The only safety device in driving that is rarely used...is the driver's head.

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The all-new Hedley Arrow, Model 330Z is now at your dealer's showroom lot and he will be proud to let you take a test drive  to see for yourself all the new built-in safety features and deluxe upholstery available. It features new disc- air brakes, that adjust themselves at each stop. The thrifty one-cylinder motor is easy on the gas at an average of 150 miles a gallon of petroleum or alcohol, depending on which is available. 2 forward-speed gears and a reverse gear (new this year) make manuverability unmatched. An steering wheel and easy to use gears make this the ultimate in modern transportation and touring excellence.

Folks, HORSES ARE SO YESTERDAY! Why put up with three or four slow, smelly beasts eating you out of stable and barn, when you can save enough on a Hedley to let you take that European vacation you always dreamed about. See us today and be the first in your community to own a genuine, modern, fuel-efficient, talked about, and beautiful new Hedley! 

Easy, affordable, low-interest financing available. Ask about our rates.

HEDLEY'S HORSELESS CARRIAGE WORKS.

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This just in from our Roving Correspondent, Bolivar Bodine, Jr.:

Historical Site Marker seen over at Creosote City...

FORT PECKSNIFF

The remains of a moat and an outer wall are all that is left of Fort Pecksniff,

a Revolutionary War stronghold of the British Colonial Army.

Colonel Mortmorency Chichester Fortesque, commanding officer, surrendered the fort to George Washington's forces without a fight after it was discovered that the fort was financed by an adjustable-rate mortgage.

(Historical marker erected by the Daughters of the British Colonial Sympathizers)

News items submitted by Hedley Harley from large unnamed newspaper:

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During the National Bowling Conference Championship Bowl-Offs yesterday, Sturdley Hummerdink was one pin away from bowling a perfect game. A perfect game had not been bowled at the National Championship Bowl-Offs in a decade, so the crowd watched in rapt attention as Sturdley approached the foul ine and released the ball. A gasp and sudden hush fell over the huge crowd as the ball rolled down the alley.

You could hear a pin drop. It didn't.

Sturdley Shinglehammer, the world's worst living poet submits this jewel this week:

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I knew a man from Pago Pago,

(It's pronounced Pango Pango,)

There they don't eat rutabago,

Just avacado and mango mango.

Thannnnnk yuh, Sturd.