"See no evil, speak no evil...I can't even hear no evil!"
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1. You know when you've had too much to drink...you start to make sense.
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2. Don't try passing the torch to the next generation ...in a fireworks factory.
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3. Charm will only take you so far...but it's a nice trip.
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4. Don't ever jump to conclusions...just sneak up on them, and look them over carefully.
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5. Don't throw a lawyer...to a drowning man.
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6. Always promise less than you can deliver...
but always deliver on time.
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7. Time waits for no man...only women.
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8. Of course you're not perfect...but, you're good enough.
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9. Never burn your bridges behind you... some idiot may be following you.
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10. Do you know what your hips are doing behind your back?
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Ms. Emma Tinkley, a reader from Lake Lassitude, sends in
her favorite Oscar Wilde quotation:
"Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught."
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Barlow Bodine, Jr., our roving correspondent, sends in this
news from Soda City:
Shedley Tuglow has announced that he is opening the first free-standing "Single Moms Oil Change and Lube Center". It will provide automotive care and supervised playrooms for the little tykes and rest-areas with free oxygen for the moms. Open from 8:00 am to 9:00p
Good luck, Shedley. Great idea!
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Shem Shankshift over at Mount Zamboni sends in this joke he heard in the locker room of the Backhoe Country Club:
During the building of his palace at Versailles, Louis the Fourteenth cornered his Finance Minister and said, "Before we spend that much money on a chandelier shouldn't we find out if anyone can play the thing?"
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Laugh a minute over at Backhoe, eh Shem?
Martha Hedley-Oarlock, in correspondence again with this blog, writes as charmingly as always and sends along her favorite quotation of the month that reflects the revival meetings over in Mount Bernadine:
"You will soon be going about like the converted, and the revivalist, warning people against all the sins of which you have grown tired."
OSCAR WILDE
Sturdley Shinglehammer the world's worst, living poet
Sturdley Shinglehammer was visited by his muse this week for brunch. However, she resisted his overtures, rebuffed his advances, and complained about the salad. Before she left, she handed Sturd a few lines on scented paper. The fragrance of the breezes of Shalimar inspired Sturd to write this doggerel which he has inflicted upon this blog:
Daphne, lovely Daphne,
I'm down on one knee,
To ask you to marry me.
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My Daphne, my chickadee,
Hear my plaintive plea,
I pledge my love, my frisbee.
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I'll kiss your lips, rub your feet,
Give you caviar to eat,
Make your life a front-row seat.
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We've had a lovely tryst,
So surely we can't miss,
Having a life of wedded blyst.
Sturdley Shinglehammer
Blog Mascot, Strutz the Cat, semi-conscious, as is his accustomed state...
3 comments:
Dang it... no, I don't know what my hips are doing back there. This is going to keep me up nights... :P
County Sneaky, for some reason your blog was misbehaving for me and not allowing me in. However, it has since come to its senses and says, "Okay, if you insist!" and here I am :)
Love Strutz the Cat - he's gorgeous! I recognize that cat expression - lol! It's one both of cats use regularly :)
I love number 4! It's really very sage advice, Count Sneaky!
Hi Count Sneaky,
Just what are my hips doing behind my back? I'm going to have to get to the bottom of this.
And speaking of bottoms, wonder why your 'bottom', is called your bottom, when your bottom is not really your bottom. Yes, I'm bored.
Enjoy your weekend.
Kind wishes, Gary :-)
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