No. 26

1. It would be a different world...if animals could shoot back.

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2. Speak well of yourself...you do not know anyone else as well.

3. I walked a mile in his shoes and discovered...they were two sizes too large.

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4. Truth,  facts, and beliefs are rarely...introduced to each other.

5. Most major countries have guided missles, so the question is...who has the unguided ones?

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6. Be kind to your imagination and it will provide you with...many hours of  free entertainment.

7. If you have a chip on your shoulder...don't go near anyone with a baseball bat.

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8. Honesty, like life insurance pays...sooner or later.

9. A little nip now and then never hurt anyone...nor did a little tuck.

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10. Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil... now try walking around with ear plugs, blindfolded, and gagged.

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"He writes so well it makes me want to put my quill back in the goose."
FRED ALLEN

"I love writing. What I can't stand is the paperwork."

PETER DEVRIES

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"I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when they can easily buy one for a few dollars."

FRED ALLEN

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"If you want to get rich from writing, write the sort of thing that's read by people who move their lips when they're reading."

DON MARQUIS

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Above quotations from: "The Writer's Quotation Book," Edited by James Charlton. Pushcart Press. 1991. ISBN-O-916366-66-9.

Strutz the Cat here. If you want a job with a lot of time off, be a cat or a 

department store Santa Claus!

Dispatch from Miss Victoria Tingle, our roving culture reporter: Octoberfest is in full swing over at Belgravia Falls. In addition to German music provided by The Leiderhosen Stompers and the Keilbasa Trio on the weekdays at the Gazebo on the Lake, the town turns out in full force to welcome visitors on the weekend with street dancing and beer drinking contests, waiter contests and various other entertainments like "Snitzel Eating Championships" which feature the reigning "Miss Strudel, USA," Sally Leibenstrum and other celebrities. "Guten Nacht" or Good Night ceremonies are conducted on Main Street every night at about

midnight or so...and the jail is emptied out for the next evening's celebration. A good time is being had by all and Mayor Grossvatter has extended the celebration for the rest of the month. But, reports of my recent intoxication and lewd behavior in the presence of  city officials (who themselves were drunk as skunks) has been highly exaggerated and is promulgated by my political opponents (incumbents all) to damage me in my upcoming campaign to run for Small Claims Judge. I repeat there is no truth to their sworn affidavits and it is not true that my behavior tripled my campaign contributions. OK. Doubled, but not enough to report yet. At any rate, I had hoped that this, my first try at elected office, would be conducted in a civil manner, but, these bozos and jackwagons are determined to hold on to their jobs by smearing innocent candidates like moi...I will prevail though. My political adviser, Karl Rover, insists that his polls show me ahead of these strudel snappers. Belgravian Falls deserves something better than cheap, sleazy politics as usual from a bunch of  small town, two-bit, nickle and dime,Waffle House lotharios, and slandering crooks. I rest my case. Vote!

By Vicky Tingle, Roving Culture Reporter and candidate for Small Claims Judge.

If that doesn't work try jewelry!

If that doesn't work try sincerity!

(Advertisement. Translation: Mabel's Strip Club/ $20 )

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