No. 44

"In our civilization, men are afraid that they will not be men enough and women 

are afraid that they might be considered only women."

THEODOR REIK

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1. Confucious say journey of a thousand miles... start with cash advance.

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2. Life has a way of showing you... you're not the only hamburger on the grill.

3. If you wish to be a communicator...learn to be a listener first.

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4. No two people are exactly alike...but they're close enough for political campaigns.

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5.The tortoise can beat the hare everytime...using GPS.

6. The wages of sin... are not subject to with-holding taxes.

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7. Reality check: It took three million dollars to build the original Titanic...

but it took one hundred million dollars to make the movie.

8. I'm a good person trying to do my best... Stop the world! We've found another one.

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9. If you're the only one in the room who sees the 800lb. gorilla in the room...get the heck outta there!

10.Things you should never try...like frying bacon topless.

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1. Your dreams will bring you a 

business venture that will

take your last thin dime.

2. You have a knack for solving

everyone's problems...but

your own miserable ones.

3. You will soon bring joy

 to someone near you...

your local tax collector.

4. You will soon meet a tall,

 dark, handsome man...

who will arrest you.

5. You will soon be going 

on a cruise...on the S.S.

FLU VIRUS.

6. You will meet a beautiful,

young woman... who will

drain your bank account.

7. Prepare to have your talents

recognized...your WANTED

posters are in the post office.

8. You will learn your ancestors

came here on the Mayflower...

in the Mayflower's brig.

QUOTES OF THE WEEK...

" I believe I have found the missing link between 

animal and civilized man. It's us.

KONRAD LORENZ

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"Support bacteria. They're the only culture

some people have."

LARRY THE CABLE GUY

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"I believe we are on an irreversible trend

toward more freedom and democracy.

But that could change."

DAN QUAYLE

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" ACKNOWLEDGE: To confess. 

Acknowledgement of another's faults is the

highest duty by our love of truth."

AMBROSE BIERCE

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Victoria Tingle, our roving correspondent for jackwagon politics,

writes from Sturdley City that City Hall has a problem on its hands.

It seems that the city has outgrown its dump, or to use the proper civic

euphemism, its "landfill." As Mayor Diane Dither said, " It takes a heap 

of living to make a dump into a landfill."  Accordingly, the mayor and town 

council has decided to raise the money to enlarge the acreage and to expand

 the landfill by selling cookies and pies at city hall, and by selling new, plastic

 garbage cans with the owner's name hand-painted on  it in beautiful script.

Vicky writes that she bought some "Dump Cookies" and "Landfill Pies"

and they were quite adequate. She was presented by Mayor Dither with 

her own beautiful new garbage can emblazoned with her name and given

a new plastic key to the progressive town of Sturdley City.  

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Writers remember! You can write from your own experience....

or lack of it. My best.

Copyright HTStone 2011