"Laughter and tears are meant to turn the wheels of the same machinery of sensibility; one is wind-power, and the other water-power; that is all. "
OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES
***
1. If you plan on going to extremes...
make sure you pack a lunch.
***
2. Feeling guilty about not being all
you could be...is a waste of good guilt.
3. Any man worth his salt...should work on being worth his pepper.
***
4. Civilization is a great institution...
or as we call them, asylums.
***
5. If you fall in love, don't ask how deep ...ask how deep is the ocean; how high the sky.
***
6. If you can't stand behind me...
at least pull up a chair.
7. If you're going to rob Peter to pay Paul...be sure you wear a mask.
***
8. Life is like a jig-saw puzzle...except
there's no picture to guide you.
9. If politicians find common ground on an issue...it's usually under water.
***
10. If you can't set a good example...
go for a mediocre one.
Walter the baboon's recent ad seeking a mate drew many comments,
queries and lovelorn responses ( Alright, one!) like this one ...
Dear Walter. I am a beautiful,intelligent, twentyish,
lady baboon who is seeking love, companionship,
and lots of bananas. My name is Zelda and I
currently reside at the Monkey House of
the Hedley Memorial Zoo in Silo City.
Walter, please rescue me from this place.
My whole life is wasting away here. My body
and soul is being wasted. I am attractive,
clean, and very well educated with
a warm, loving nature and you sound like
my soul mate. I know I could make you happy.
Let's get together with our keepers and meet.
Let's enjoy the rest of our lives. Walter. my
name is Zelda, and I can't wait to whisper sweet
nothings in your big ears and groom your fur .
Love, Zelda.
Sturdley Shinglehammer Strikes Again...
SALESPERSON
Nicole the Creole outsold,
Everyone on the payroll.
Customers she could buttonhole,
And charmingly cajole,
Even cook 'em a casserole.
SHOPLIFTER
There was a young lady named Snifter,
Who was an accomplished shoplifter.
She was quick and bold,
And stole items untold,
Until she met a cop who was quicker.
***
As I mentioned in my memo of two weeks ago, if my demands for tastier, more nutritious and expensive cat food are not met in the ensuing two weeks, yours truly is vacating this premises and seeking newer, more affluent providers with whom to spend the rest of my nine lives. I do wish to compliment your feeble efforts to make me comfortable this past winter. I know you both have to work hard to keep yourselves and moi in what may loosely be described as lush poverty, and I would like to say to you in all sincerity: "Nice try, folks." Now, please empty my litterbox, wash my bed, and let me sleep the afternoon away. STRUTZ
Never make a move without Frazer's Axle Grease!
(Advertisement)
ADMONISHMENTS
***
1. Never complain in a Starbucks unless you have grounds for it.
***
2. Don't refer to your doctor's office as Malady Lane.
***
3. Never say that one man's mate is another man's poison.
***
4. Don't stay baroque by going to auctions.
***
5. Don't complain about how expensive college was if you
only got a quarterback.
***
Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous
if you earn no money.
JULES RENARD
***
***
***
***
The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised.
It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy for
reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
CopyrightHTStone2011
