Thursday, December 2, 2010


"I expect to pass through this life but once. If, therefore, there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to my fellow being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.

1. Procrastination enables most of your problems...
to take care of yourselves.
2. Keep your ducks in a row...why you should do so is unknown.
3. Keep a stiff upper lip...but grow a mustache to cover it.
4.  If  your princess wears glass slippers ...don't ask her to dance.
5.  You can't pay the piper...with a VISA card.
6. To be greedy for more happiness is no vice...except at another's expense.
 7. Don't change your mind more often... than you change your underwear.
8. Groundhogs are really woodchucks...who can't chuck wood.
9. Two heads are better than 
one...but you sure would look funny.
10. Opportunity knocks...temptation comes in the back door.

Sturdley Shinglehammer, the world's worst living poet submits his latest poem:


The bear climbed the tree,
 To see what he could see.
All the trees were down,
  Bricks littered the ground.
Another new subdivision,
 Was hard to envision.
Can't there just be, he cried,
  Room enough for both me and thee?   

"This is the laugh with someone because
 you think the same things are funny."

"I didn't like the play, but I saw it under adverse conditions, 
the curtain was up."

"Leave me a message on my answering service and I'll get back with you...
 if I'm interested."

"I have given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself."


"I realized either I was crazy or the world was crazy; 
and I picked on the world.
And of course I was right."

 "He hasn't a single redeeming vice..."

     I checked with Sturdley Phosphate over in Soda City, and he tells me the Christmas Parade had to be postponed until next weekend. It seems that Santa's Float which was built over Sturdley's 1975 Ford pickup was unable to make it out of the garage. Both rear wheels fell off as the transmission turned into steel-flavored Jello.

     Santa uttered a few choice expletives as the reporter from the "Soda City Scene" took   notes and photographs; the mayor and council, on hand to start the Christmas Parade, dissolved into a muttering mob of blame-placing politicians; and all the little kiddies bawled and sniffled while the older kids did cat-calls and whistles; and hot cider was poured up for all. 

    After singing all the choruses of "Jingle Bells" the bands, the float participants, the mothers and children of all ages headed for the warm hearths of home (except for the Soda City Fire Dept. which was called out for Barlow Bodine's bonfire that got out of control.) Harley Hurler has donated one of his new (2003)  Ford 150s on which to place the Sleigh for next week's attempt if a new Santa can be found to replace the current intoxicated clown.

Copyright HTStone 2010


TALON said...

The poor bear. The answer, sadly, is no...

Strutz is looking lovely and cosy!

Love no. 10 - that sneaky temptation! :)

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Count Sneaky .. love these ... and appropos my blog .. Strutz would be a good Cheshire cat?! Not black and white .. but very smug and happy looking ...

"Leave me a message on my answering service and I'll get back with you...
if I'm interested." STRUTZ THE CAT

Love the cast-iron parachute definition!

Enjoy the weekend .. Cheers Hilary

nothingprofound said...

Count-number one could be my credo. It's the philosophy I've followed most of my life. I've noticed when I leave my troubles behind, they rarely catch up. Love the Vanderbilt quote. Similar to, but in a completely different vein, to today's aphorism (which I haven't posted yet.)

Count Sneaky said...

TALON: Strutz says that he will get back
to you and your cat anytime you leave a message
Please write message on a grilled flounder fillet.

HILARY: Thanks for the kind words. Yes. I had forgotten about Strutz.
He is not a Chessy Cat, although he has that grin at times and certainly the attitude. Have a nice week.

NOTHINGPROFOUND: #1 has served me well and I have used it on every occasion that I could get away with. Gives one a chance to step back and think the thing over, and over, and over, and over. Keeping one's ducks in a row, probably has to do with moving fast enough to leave some of the little troubles behind. I dunno. By the way, did you know that Gloria Vanderbilt's son is CNN's Anderson Cooper?

desk49 said...

1. I expect to pass through this life but once.
Rats that kills the idea of reincarnation.

2. Keep your ducks in a row
Easier to step over what they leave behind.

3. You can't pay the piper
But you can use it to pay someone else to.

4. Don't change your mind more often
To personal I don’t have any (never mine)

5. Opportunity knocks...
If temptation is already inside let them answer that dam knocking.

6. If the bear climbed a tree here he would have got a ticket.
7. Crazy not I, no never, for if it was I, then who is sane?

Anastasia Fitzgerald-Beaumont said...

Great stuff, Count Sneaky. :-)

Anonymous said...

I love that William Penn quote you opened with today, Count. It's a beautiful sentiment that I often need to be reminded of so that it can be more than just a sentiment.

Great reads as always. Especially the bear poem. :)