Friday, May 6, 2011

No. 51

"Every time we liberate a woman, we liberate a man."
1. If you would avoid temptation...
refer to it as opportunity.
2. All sky divers marry...
beneath them.
3. Your shoes haven't been broken in yet...
much less your mind.
4. If it were as easy to make money as it is to make enemies... 
we should all be rich.
5. It's up to you whether you want to make
a contribution... to the collective madness.
6. Wisdom rides on the back seat...
not behind the wheel.
7. Experience is relative...the more relatives 
you have, the more experience you have.
8. Keep your eyes on the a 
lottery ticket.
9. To make a long story short...cut it
in half.
10.  A book is the only thing outside of a church program that carries no advertising...and
I'm not too sure about the church program.

Letter to Station Manager, Hedley Bodine, WBUL/ AM/ FM/TV/VHS
from  Senator Senator Barfley Bodine...

Dear cousin Hedley,
     My recent appearance on your station's "Shifting Paradigms" interview
show to promote my new book, was a complete disaster. I have never been so humiliated as I was by Ms. Pamela Paradigm's insolence and refusal to discuss my new book.  She has publicly humiliated me and sales of my new book have plummeted.  As you know, Hed, we Bodines have made our way in the world by sticking together , and I'm asking for your help in selling my new book on another interview show on your stations and for the firing of Ms. Paradigm which we discussed over dinner at  Aunt Lucy's last evening. This harridan has to go. After talking over my new book with Uncle Barlow, the chairman of the board, he agreed with the dismissal of the damsel. Ha! I made a funny! I will put that in my new book. Thanks again, Cuz, and I will get those autographed copies of my new book and a little "thank you" to you this week. 

(Signed)    Barf
You can bear your faults, why not your wife's?
Many would live by their wits, but break for want of stock.
Many complain of their memory, few of their judgement.

It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. 
People are either charming or tedious.

Pessimist: one who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.

My very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised.
It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy  for
 reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
You might, if you like, write an acknowledgement or a decline of award
 statement, or nothing at all, if you prefer. The first recipient of the
Award is my friend, Gary Phillip Pennick of "Klahanie."
for being Gary, a good friend!


Paul said...

Talking about Temptation... O, sorry, I can't get over Count's drawing of this gorgeous swinging lady in wet...perhaps it was the Count's unconscious working here, like a Freudian slip of tongue. Forgive me of being earnest...or honest..see, the fat, homo Oscar is working on ME...STOP!

Old Romantic Soul said...

What a very interesting, unique blog...Methinks I'll have to peruse some more!

Count Sneaky said...

PAUL: Sorry to set Oscar to work on you. He was genius with the language and a first rate wit. My unconscious works in ways I can't always fathom or follow...but that's the nature of the beast.
The gorgeous young, wet lady is a clip from the Late Victorian artist,
Charles Dana of my favorite artists of lovely ladies. My best.

KRISTINA: Forsooth, my dear, I wouldst send my carriage around for thee every week ( if I haddeth one!) Thanks.

Judie said...

Ah, so nice to stop here and relax and laugh a bit! Now I am ready for the next week!!

SprigBlossoms said...

No. 3, 5, 7 are simply brilliant! Like Paul, I agree that the artwork is always such a pleasing diversion : )

Chris said...

Sigh. Again, I have to agree with my buddy Oscar Wilde. And I mean the first quote.

Count Sneaky said...

JUDIE: So nice to have you stop here. Next week will be here Friday. See you then.

SPRIGBLOSSOMS: Thank you. Of course, I must deny any brilliance here; I only want to provoke a smile and enjoyment of the old Victorian art.

CHRIS: Hard to beat Oscar's penetrating wit and sharp sense of society's mores and pretensions that were, and are, necessary to keep us civilized.

TALON said...

I love the Margaret Mead quote, Henry.

Oscar Wilde's description of the pessimist had me laughing out loud!

Hope Helen had a beautiful Mother's Day!

THE SNEE said...

Hi Count Sneaky,

So sorry that I've been a stranger. My poor excuse is just...LIFE!
I adore the Dostoevsky cartoon, and Oscar Wilde's Pessimist definition. Both might be my credos. This idea scares me.