Friday, May 27, 2011

No.54

"Oh, when the saints go marching in...Oh, when the saints 
go marching in... Oh, Lord, I want be in that number...
When the saints go marching in...Hut, 2,3,4, Hut 2,3,4...
***
1. Use your head...that's what they 
screwed it on for.
***
2. The best way out of trouble...
is the front door.
***
3. To succeed in marriage...
consider your faults rather than
your spouses.
***
4. If you can't set a good example...
try a mediocre example.
***
5. The only art you need to learn to succeed...
is poise.
***
6. Which is mightier...the 2oz. tongue or the
 3lb. brain?
7. The only thing you need to do behind someone's
back...is to arrange a surprise birthday party.
***
8. If you've invented a better mouse trap...
advertise!
9. A good man is hard to find...
they hide in plain sight.
***
10. To keep things from getting out of whack...
first find out where the whack is.
***
Senator Barfley B. Bodine
,

NOTE:  Senator Barfley Bodine's book tour has been cancelled by his publisher, Jackwagon Press, which has also pulled the book, "In Regards 
To Your Memo..." from its list of published works. After the disastrous
interview with Pam Paradigm on her TV program, "The Paradigm Has Shifted," sales plummeted to a new low even for Jackwagon Press.
Press CFO, Mortimer Bodine, said in a telephone interview that they were 
considering publishing Ms. Paradigm's new book, " Kiss My Paradigm."
Senator Bodine said that his lawyer, Bartolome B. Bodine, is preparing 
a brief on the case to file with the FCC or somebody. 
***
As Dan Quayle once remarked, "Verbosity leads to unclear, 
inarticulate things."
***
Try this one, bozos, Dan also said, "What a waste it is to lose
one's mind, or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
***
Dan, the master also said, " My friends, no matter how rough the road
may be, we can and we will never surrender to what is right."
***
Now, friends and cat fanciers, I, as fancy a cat as ever trod the carpet,
leave you with a final thought...NAP TIME!
***
ADVANCED ACRONYMS...

(LAME) Lacks any mental equipment.

(PUL) Pile of unwashed laundry.

(CME) Can move ears.

(IAR) In alcohol rehab.

(TOP)  Turtle on Prozac.

(SOC)  Sweet old coot.

(LLPOF)  Liar, liar, pants on fire.

(BIFS)  Believes in flying saucers.

(MAH) Mad as a hatter.

(PWOH)  Plays without helmet.

(SCIP)  Scratches crotch in public.

(WBB)  Way beyond blonde.

(MBI) Mind boggling incompetent.
***

***
***

***


The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised.
It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy  for
 reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.

CopyrightHTStone2011



7 comments:

Word Nerd said...

#3 above, put into action, would cut the divorce rate dramatically.

Paul said...

I nearly missed doc Sugerfoot...."besides the other docs' outdated magazines are full of gems..."

Count Sneaky said...

WORD NERD: Wouldn't it though! Could make lifer easier for all of us. Too bad it flies in the face of human nature.

PAUL: The Doc left a new one for you today.

Judie said...

Henry, if I am reading you correctly, you are a SOC!! Thanks for the pleasure you brought me today! My best to Helen!!

Thought Bubble Ten said...

I especially like 5 and 9. I like that cat fanciers one too...BTW, did you know that while dogs have masters, cats have staff???

And if I briefly put aside my political correctness, I'd say that WBB could come in handy from time to time :)

Oh and btw, I love your self-awarded award! Way to go :)

TALON said...

lol @ the Dan quotes - I was laughing out loud and the acronyms had me laughing. Seems everything is getting reduced these days!

Hope you and Helen had a marvellous Memorial Day Weekend, Henry.

Hazelmarie Elliott (Mattie) said...

Love those acronyms! I love the smiling cat, Strutz, too! I should probably just say I enjoyed everything you offered your readers.(smile)

What a pleasure it was visiting you. Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Blessings,
M.