Friday, July 8, 2011

No. 60


O my love's like a red, red rose.
That's newly sprung in June.
O my love's like the melody,
That's sweetly play'd in tune.
ROBERT BURNS
***
1. Vu deja: the feeling that this has never
 happened before. 
***
2. Roughly, how many cliches are there in the English language?... answer: a bushel and a peck.


3. These are the tools of polite conversation...
ambiguity...vagueness...obscurity...and 
random acts of flattery.
***
4. Everyone is created equal...more or less.
***
5. Don't worry about the stock market... invest
more time with your family.
***
6.The world is not built...on a level-playing
field.
***
7. A good conscience is...a pain in the
head.
***
8. If necessity is the mother of invention...
who is the father?

9. Jump-start your life...take a few bungee jumps 
until your head clears.
***
10. In this society only two things are certain...
debt and taxes.
***

A review by Tina Tingle, our roving culture correspondent of 
a current "soap," Nosebleed Theater.

Welcome to Nosebleed Theater...the continuing saga of the 
Hedley family, their misfortunes, misconceptions, and miseries.
Today we find  Sturdley Hedley nursing a hernia while Emma
Hedley, his fourth wife, fixes supper as Bozo the dog scratches
fleas and cleans his caboose. Hedley speaks, "I swear, Emma...
An exchange follows and this is followed by 20 minutes of 
yakety- yak and ten minutes of station breaks, commercials,
and public service commercials. The original background music
is provided by the Neanderthal Quartet playing selections from 
Grablow's Armpit Symphony No.3.  All in all, the emotional content 
is balanced by enough entertainment value to make this program
as interesting as an pigeon fight. 
***
OSCAR ON LIFE...
"Life is much too important a thing to ever talk seriously about it."
OSCAR WILDE
!!!
"Good taste is the excuse I've always given for leading a bad life."
OSCAR WILDE
!!!
"The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything,
the young know everything."
OSCAR WILDE

     DO NOT BELIEVE THIS...
1. In Australia, Coca-Cola is known as Coca-Koala.
!!!
2. Monasteries hold monthly "Fish Friars."
!!!
3. Cross an ape-man with a zebra and you get 
a Tarzan Stripes Forever.
!!!
4. Overheard at a divorce hearing: Woman to her
 friends,"Don't cry for me, Arch and Tina!"
!!!
MEMO TO CURRENT PROVIDERS:
My dear sir and madam. In regard to your previous memo:
Feel free at your earliest convenience to kiss my pajamas.
STRUTZ.
***
"Joy is not in things; it is in us."
WAGNER
***
"Man is the merriest specie of the creation: all above 
or below him are serious.
ADDISON
***
  
       

***

The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised. It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy  for reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
CopyrightHTStone2011

NOTE: You are not allowed to leave this blog without a smile, a laugh or feeling better about your life.



3 comments:

Word Nerd said...

I love when I find your blog listed at the top of my blogroll, for that means that you've left new things for me to giggle (and sometimes groan) about. Loved this, as always. :O)

SprigBlossoms said...

So refreshing to visit your blog, always! My favorites: No. 3, No. 5. and No.9. I would suggest No.9 as the answer to No. 8...that is, a rush of blood to the head. Many cheers :)

Yun Yi said...

It took me a little while to figure out some of them but overall, it's a joy to read them. I too like Oscar Wilde. According to him I should be in the right place: middle age. :-)

Thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog!