Friday, July 1, 2011

No. 59

"Sanity AND happiness are an
impossible combination."
MARK TWAIN
***
1. "Empty nest" years are...roomier years.
***
2. Pack your bags and move...to another state of mind.
3. Seize the day...but hold the night tenderly.
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4. The show must go on...or you will have to get a real job.
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5. Put down the stun gun, my dear, 
and we can talk about a divorce.
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6. Putting is...such sweet sorrow.
7. Do angels fight about...how many can dance on the head of a pin?
***
8. Character is the face you show to the world...
desire is the face you hide.
9.  Buckle down; buckle up; put your game face on; place a bet on yourself...and get in the race.
***
10.  Don't turn "can do" into..."Do what?"
BARFLEY'S  UNFAMILIAR QUOTATIONS
From: unauthorized, unabridged, unedited, Gift Edition. Jackwagon Press 2011
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1. "There are no rules for muddling through."
HEDLEY BODINE, IV
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2. "Here comes the ice cream truck!"
DAPHNE DOLITTLE
***
3. "Duck!"
HERK HASHLEY, JR.
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4. "Get in. Sit down. Hold on. Shut up."
UNCLE SHERIDAN HEDLEY
***
5. " When is recess?"
LYDIA PINKHAM


         ENTRY -LEVEL POSITION FOR COURT JESTER.
Must  have low expectations. Own insurance.
Position offers low wages; high job satisfaction;
The finest in working conditions.  BOX 366.
***
LETTER FOUND IN COMPANY TRASH CAN:

Dear Mr.( Name deleted)

      I regret the fact that I exaggerated my experience on my resume.
As you may have expected, I do not have a Nobel Prize or tenure at Harvard, but I still feel I have something to offer your company in the paper-shuffling department rather than the post of Executive Finance Director that I originally applied for... mistakenly, but well-intentioned I assure you. Also, I might add, that I have no doctorate, no honorary degrees and the only article I have written is for my sister's kid's third grade class.

     There, that clears it out and if you see your way clear to review my 
application for whatever...there may be something in it for you.

Sincerely,
Hedley  "Jack the Bear" Bodine
***
ISLAND SONG
By Sturdley Shinglehammer
World's worst living poet.

We wear only sarongs,
Or very tasteful thongs.
We eat mostly blowfish,
With an occasional side dish.
When we retire,We start a bonfire,
An burn our bridges behind us.
***
COOLER THAN...
1. Decorator jumper cables.
2. Learning to yodel.
3. Having lumbago.
4. Owning a Studebaker
5. Being a direct descendant of Blackbeard.
6. Having seen Bigfoot.
7. Having seen the Loch Ness Monster.
8. Carrying a gold folding-toothpick.
9. Having three given-names.
10. Having a comet named after you.
***
     
       

***

The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised. It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy  for reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
CopyrightHTStone2011

NOTE: You are not allowed to leave this blog without a smile, a laugh or feeling better about your life.



5 comments:

klahanie said...

Greetings Count Sneaky,
First of all, my humble apologies for not visiting your delightful blog in many a while. I was in British Columbia for several weeks and was very much out of my normal routine. Whatever normal might be.
Anyhow, Henry, as per usual, you have entertained and amused with this submission. In fact, I shall now pack my bags and head over to my next state of mind.
May you and your loved ones have a peaceful and positive weekend.
Gary.

Chris said...

This is a particularly perky bunch of quotes that you've treated us to. I'm having a hard time singling out those that speak to me the most. #2 and #8 are a close tie, but Mark Twain's was definitely a good choice to top them all off.

Best wishes for the weekend,

Chris

Paul said...

All good wisdom (and I am not JUST being nice!). I do like your "can do" vs "do what" most.... a true refection of what has been happening in my mind a few minutes ago, "comment on what?" Never mind....I "can do" it, and so I did...:):)

Count Sneaky said...

GARY: I have never been to British Columbia, but I am sure that it is a most beautiful and impressive country. It is refreshing to mangle a routine from time to time. I hope your next state of mind is as creative as your last state. Good to have you back.

CHRIS: I have three all-time favorite authors:1. Mark Twain, 2. Ambrose Bierce, and 3. Oscar Wilde. They are not only perky, but quirkey. But I'm glad to be characterized as perky and to be speaking directly to my readers. Thanks.

PAUL: I'm glad I provided the "push" for you and you provided the "can do!"

Toyin O. said...

Thanks for sharing.