"The only things that distinguish us from the animals, Madam is our habit of drinking when we are not thirsty and making love at any time."
1. My new bumper strip...UNINSURED,
UNSTABLE AND ARMED!
2. If you don't hit a home run...there are always three others left.
3. Don't do this...don't do that,
Don't be this...don't be that,
Don't say this...don't say that.
Well, I guess that covers it.
4. Curiosity exists to get us to contemplate
life, the mysteries of the universe...
5. Watching politicians at work...
is like watching rocks mate.
6. Foresight eliminates the need for...
7. To insure a happy marriage there
are two rules...but nobody knows
what they are.
8. If Columbus had had a Guidance Committee
on board...he would be pulling into Anchorage Alaska about now.
9. Be generous...give yourself a friend today.
10. If you think you are an exception to the rules...you had better read the rules again.
Goodness Gracious, Great Balls of Fire!
Word comes from Tuglow Falls that UFO's have been sighted again in the vicinity of Barlow Bodine's property out on Route 236. The sheriff's report says that at about 1:45am last Saturday night while respondents Herkimer Hedley, Sturdley Shinglehammer, and Barlow Bodine were behind the barn conducting their weekly meeting of Poet's Anonymous, which was closed with a few drinks and convivial conversation (his term,) all three noticed a brilliant blue ball of light rising just over Bodine's sheep shed. It was described as about the size of a Ford F-150 steering wheel. It rose a few hundred feet and disappeared. The only other witness was Mrs. Bodine who was out at the time with a shotgun and her dog, Bozo, looking for Barlow and his fellow reformed poets in her pickup truck. Mrs. Barlow responded when asked about the UFO, "Those three! Ha! They wouldn't know a UFO from a Sonnet from the Portuguese. Me and Bozo are taking these stinking drunks home now. Climb into the back, boys." With that, Bozo climbed into the front seat with his mistress and they left. Mrs. Bodine did say that she saw a blue light in the sky, but had more important trivialities to worry about, namely, Mr. Bodine. Since there were no other witnesses the report was closed.
SUMTHINS NEVER CHANGE...
There is nothing that will upset a state's economy like a legislature. It's better to have termites in your house than the legislature.
WILL ROGERS, 3/31/1935
Politics ain't nothing but reciprocity, you know. Congress will vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them.
WILL ROGERS. 6/2/1935
We are getting to be a nation that can't read anymore. If the thing hasn't got a picture on it , why, we're sunk. Instead of reporters nowadays we use photographers.
WILL ROGERS, 12/21/1924
Politics is a great character builder. You have to take a referendum to see what your convictions are for that day.
WILL ROGERS, 5/29/1930
Remember: Ignorance is an equal opportunity employer.