Friday, March 25, 2011

No. 45

"The only things that distinguish us from the animals, Madam is our habit of drinking when we are not thirsty and making love at any time."
1. My new bumper strip...UNINSURED,
2. If you don't hit a home run...there are always three others left.
3. Don't do this...don't do that,
Don't be this...don't be that,
Don't say this...don't say that.
Well, I guess that covers it.
4. Curiosity exists to get us to contemplate
life, the mysteries of the universe...
and politics.
5. Watching politicians at work...
is like watching rocks mate.
6. Foresight eliminates the need for...
7. To insure a happy marriage there
are two rules...but nobody knows
what they are.
8. If Columbus had had a Guidance Committee
on board...he would be pulling into Anchorage Alaska about now.
9. Be generous...give yourself a friend today.
10. If you think you are an exception to the had better read the rules again.
Goodness Gracious, Great Balls of Fire!
Word comes from Tuglow Falls that UFO's have been sighted again in the vicinity of Barlow Bodine's property out on Route 236. The sheriff's report says that at about 1:45am last Saturday night while respondents Herkimer Hedley, Sturdley Shinglehammer, and Barlow Bodine were behind the barn conducting their weekly meeting of Poet's Anonymous,  which was closed with a few drinks and convivial conversation (his term,) all three noticed a brilliant blue ball of light rising just over Bodine's sheep shed. It was described as about the size of a Ford F-150 steering wheel. It rose a few hundred feet and disappeared. The only other witness was Mrs. Bodine who was out at the time with a shotgun and her dog, Bozo, looking for Barlow and his fellow reformed poets in her pickup truck. Mrs. Barlow responded when asked about the UFO, "Those three! Ha! They wouldn't know a UFO from a Sonnet from the Portuguese. Me and Bozo are taking these stinking drunks home now. Climb into the back, boys." With that, Bozo climbed into the front seat with his mistress and they left. Mrs. Bodine  did say that she saw a blue light in the sky, but had more important trivialities to worry about, namely, Mr. Bodine. Since there were no other witnesses the report was closed. 
There is nothing that will upset a state's economy like a legislature. It's better to have termites in your house than the legislature.
WILL ROGERS, 3/31/1935
Politics ain't nothing but reciprocity, you know. Congress will vote for anything if the thing they vote for will turn around and vote for them.
WILL ROGERS. 6/2/1935
We are getting to be a nation  that can't read anymore. If the thing hasn't got a picture on it , why, we're sunk. Instead of reporters nowadays we use photographers.
WILL ROGERS, 12/21/1924
Politics is a great character builder. You have to take a referendum to see what your convictions are for that day.
WILL ROGERS, 5/29/1930
Remember: Ignorance is an equal opportunity  employer.


TALON said...

I loved the Will Roger's quotes, Henry. Funny how they stand the test of time!

No. 7 had me laughing out the time you've been married long enough to figure those rules out - who cares? :)

Judie said...

H., just so you know, I am stealing from you today. Of course, I AM giving you credit, and a link back to your blog!! Once again, you have made my day!!

Count Sneaky said...

TALON: It's curious isn't it, how Will Rogers could say the same things today if he were alive and they'd still be relevant.

My guess is that rule one is be kind and rule two is be kind.
If rule one doesn't work go to rule two.

Count Sneaky said...

JUDIE: I'm flattered. Thank you.

nothingprofound said...

Got a huge laugh out of number 5- describes the political process perfectly. I imagine if there had been a Will Rogers in Homer's time he would've been making similar observations. I doubt they were any more efficient or honest back then.

Count Sneaky said...

NOTHINGPROFOUND: Thanks, Marty. Number 5 came to me out of thin air after watching too many news channels. I was struck by how relevant Will Rogers' comments still are after I got a book of his comments and observations. I cannot believe that things political have ever been or will ever be any different.

THE SNEE said...

Hi. Having recently moved from Vermont to New Hampshire, #1 gave me quite a giggle. I'm glad I clicked on Judie's link!