Saturday, November 5, 2011


"Man is the measure of all things, of things that
are, that they are, of things that are not, that they are not."
1. Man cannot live on bread alone...
unless he's a baker.
2. Man is superior to the animals...
because he can use credit cards.
3. Education is what you have left...
when you've forgotten what you've learned.
4. Born to rule...forced to work.
5. A ounce of prevention...weighs as much
as an ounce of cure.
6. While the world's population continues
to increase...the level of stupidity seems
to stay the same.
7. You don't have to be crazy to work here... just very disturbed.
8. Think outside the box, eat outside the bun...and you'll be successful and slim.
9. Man...a life form for converting animal and plant life into into food for the most numerous and dominant life form on the planet...bacteria.
10. Get your ducks in a row...but don't ask me why.
CS: What do you see as the most pressing issue in society today?

STRUTZ: Surely you jest, O Mine Exalted Interviewer.

CS: No. Now to the question, O Mine Exalted Interviewee.



STRUTZ: Wee mon sewer! We must insure the future generation of mousers the opportunity to learn the fine points of mousing and ensure that they will have an ample supply of mice to hunt. This is our heritage, our place in the scheme of things. And we will follow any scent, pursue any rodent, and pass on to our children tales of our ancestors, the great mousers of yesterday. We will pay any price, endure any hardship, and sacrifice any of our nine lives to ensure this end! And we shall never,never,never surrender. Long live cats...and mice! Huzzah!

CS: Well that was quite an oration, Strutz.

STRUTZ: Mercy, mon amee. Is the interview over? I need a nap.

CS: No. What's up with the phony French accent, Strutz?

STRUTZ: It is a sincere attempt to reproduce part of my heritage.

CS: Your ancestors were French? I don't think so, mon ami.

STRUTZ: Well, they came over on the Mayflower. They first took a crossing of the Channel on a tugboat and hopped aboard the Mayflower as she prepared to leave the port with all the Pillagers on board.

CS: They were called Pilgrims, not Pillagers, Strutz.

STRUTZ: Whatever. They were not a fun crowd. No cat lovers on board.
We were able to make it because there were a lot of rodents on board and they ate the PillGRIM's food and we ate them. This was more proof that we cats were the final and superior form of life designed by the Creator.

CS: That is the most, preposterous thing you have said yet, Strutz.

STRUTZ: Thank you bon amy. I thought it was a comprehensive presentation of our superiority to the human race who freely provide us with fine food, shelter, warm beds and a work-free environment. They shower us with love, trinkets, and demand nothing in return except a minimum display of devotion and gratitude when we have fun mousing and bring the corpse and leave it on the top step of the back door. The evidence is undeniable, and without us your normally miserable lives would be unbearable and the rodents will spread the plague and destroy the crops, and food supplies and you would be in deep a-bop-bop-a-loo-bah-

CS: How would you like to find yourself on the top step... as in locked out?

STRUTZ: How would you like to kiss my pajamas...BOSS? Man is the measure of all things? Ha! Hee, hee, hee! Ho, ho! Wheeee!

CS: This concludes our interview with our iconoclastic mascot, Struz the cat. It's time for his dinner and first nap of the afternoon, which will be followed by several more.

STUTZ: It has been a thrill a minute, Count, and I look forward to never having to waste my time again in such nonsense as this.

CS: Good nap and goodbye. Maybe we can do this again. (Here all my fingers are crossed.)

STRUTZ: Mercy bo coo. And I would like to take this opportunity to say that my recent meals have been surprising unimaginative. We can do better. I would prefer Chateaubriand and occasionally a little pate. This canned mule meat you've been buying me is so strong the can can open itself. The smell would gag a goat and the flavor would turn away a starving
church mouse. We can do better than this, boss.

CS: Here's your can of Puss 'N Boots with chicken and bacon flavors.

STRUTZ: Five minutes late, I might note and the can is 3 days out of date.

STURDLEY SHINGLEHAMMER the world's worst living poet's tribute to the opposite sex's charm.
Oh! Dress a lady in puce and green.
Give her a mirror and watch her preen.
Adorable in glamorous glitz and glitter,
And absolutely nothing will fit her.

Twiddle your thumbs...the exercise will keep you in shape for
all the texting you have to do.

The difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has
nine lives. MARK TWAIN

The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised.It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy for reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.

Copyright 2011

1 comment:

GEM said...

Dear Count Sneaky

As always a very entertaining read. I love the "phonetic" use of the french language!

Mucky buckets (Yorkshire pronunciation for mercie beaucoup)!

Take Care