"Up and down the City Road, in and out of the Eagle.
That's the way the money goes-pop goes the weasel!"
1. While thinking out of the box...
be careful you don't get lost.
2. You can put lipstick on a pig...
but you really need to add some
make-up and a good nail job.
3. Tomorrow is not another day...
it's what you put things off to.
4. Events cast their shadows before them...as well as their dice.
5. The eyes may deceive... but the
tongue has more practice at it.
6. As the twig is bent...so bends
7. Sometimes I feel like the hammer
for...someone else's piggy bank.
8. If at first you don't succeed...
take some lessons.
9. A stream cannot rise above its source...or a dam.
10. The third time is a charm...
particularly, if you don't get caught the first two times.
Hedley Lugnuts writes from Soda City:
Dear Count Sneaky,
If I read you correctly, and I'm sure I do, you seem to be a lover of poetry. Now, Sturdley Shinglehammer is a mediocre to advanced amateur rhyme
fabricator, but he leaves me cold usually, like my girl friend, Daphne. Well Daph can't rhyme, matter of fact, she can't read or write. She's Hungarian.
So, I'm enclosing one of my latest works in sort of a dialect that they speak in these parts. I have taken phonetic liberties, just like I do with Daph...but that's another story. Here 'tis.
TO DAPHNE IN THE MOONLIGHT
You tore up my letters,
And you stole my hark,
You stomped the sucker,
In the deep, deep dark
And buried the tatters,
In the county softball park.
by HEDLEY LUGNUTS
Thank you for your interest, Hedley. I must say this is the worst piece of trash I have ever read and I regret I must inflict it on my readers, but since Daphne baked a sweet potato pie and sent it with your letter...well, I will run it as a favor to Daph along with my best wishes for finding a reason for starting a new year without thou. The sweet potato pie was delightful, Daphne. Count Sneaky
Dear Count Sneaky,
Thanking you for running my boy friend's trash. He is a jerk, but he's my jerk. My friend Poppy wrote this letter for me because I'm Hungarian and can't read or write English good yet. Glad you liked my pie. I like your blog very much.
For Daphne du Dovetonsils by Poppy Bodine
"If your parents never had any children, chances are you won't either."
"It is better to have loafed and lost, than to never have loafed at all."
"There never yet was an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility.
Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy."
"When I get A little money, I buy books; and if any is left,
I buy food and clothes."
The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised. It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy for reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
NOTE: You are not allowed to leave this blog without a smile, a laugh or feeling better about your life.