Monday, July 19, 2010

1. Civility makes friends...
and hides hypocrisy.
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2. Here's how life works...you have your house re-roofed, and then you get the shingles.
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3. Time seems to change everything... except credit card payments.
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4. Your shoes haven't been broken in yet...
much less your mind.
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5. Perhaps man is just tall, thinking clay.
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6. In this life, you get what you deserve and what you ask for...but not necessarily in that order.
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7. It's said that a little learning is a dangerous thing... but so is a whole lot of ignorance.
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8. You can have it all...if you have a place to put it.
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9. Basically, the trouble with the rat race is... 
that it is hard not to step on the rats.
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10. The only safety device in driving that is rarely used...is the driver's head.
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The all-new Hedley Arrow, Model 330Z is now at your dealer's showroom lot and he will be proud to let you take a test drive  to see for yourself all the new built-in safety features and deluxe upholstery available. It features new disc- air brakes, that adjust themselves at each stop. The thrifty one-cylinder motor is easy on the gas at an average of 150 miles a gallon of petroleum or alcohol, depending on which is available. 2 forward-speed gears and a reverse gear (new this year) make manuverability unmatched. An steering wheel and easy to use gears make this the ultimate in modern transportation and touring excellence.
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This just in from our Roving Correspondent, Bolivar Bodine, Jr.:
Historical Site Marker seen over at Creosote City...

FORT PECKSNIFF
The remains of a moat and an outer wall are all that is left of Fort Pecksniff,
a Revolutionary War stronghold of the British Colonial Army.
Colonel Mortmorency Chichester Fortesque, commanding officer, surrendered the fort to George Washington's forces without a fight after it was discovered that the fort was financed by an adjustable-rate mortgage.
(Historical marker erected by the Daughters of the British Colonial Sympathizers)


News items submitted by Hedley Harley from large unnamed newspaper:
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During the National Bowling Conference Championship Bowl-Offs yesterday, Sturdley Hummerdink was one pin away from bowling a perfect game. A perfect game had not been bowled at the National Championship Bowl-Offs in a decade, so the crowd watched in rapt attention as Sturdley approached the foul ine and released the ball. A gasp and sudden hush fell over the huge crowd as the ball rolled down the alley.
You could hear a pin drop. It didn't.

Sturdley Shinglehammer, the world's worst living poet submits this jewel this week:
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I knew a man from Pago Pago,
(It's pronounced Pango Pango,)
There they don't eat rutabago,
Just avacado and mango mango.

Thannnnnk yuh, Sturd.

5 comments:

TALON said...

Count Sneaky, Number 1 is really resonsating with me - it's so - unfortunately - true!

The only side effect I've suffered from when reading this blog is pure and utter enjoyment! ;)

Anonymous said...

Count, number five really struck me today. Kind of puts one in their place really. :)

klahanie said...

Greetings friend,
Just thought I should come over and visit your delightful blog.
Thank you for linking in and commenting on my blog. That was most appreciated.
I must say that number ten is certainly a point that I can relate too. I wish the ambulance driver who smashed into my car had been using his 'head'. Still, at least there was a touch of irony with that incident and nobody was hurt.
With respect, Gary.

klahanie said...

Just wanted to thank you for that delightful poem you left on my site.
Thought it only right that I inform you of the highly coveted award for your terrific blog over at my site.
Hope you are enjoying your weekend.
With respect, Gary

bazza said...

Hi Count Sneaky. I followed you here from 'Klahanie'. These excellent posts remind me of a book I once read: 'If You Can't Live Without Me Why Aren't You Dead Yet?'!
Great fun.