Thursday, July 29, 2010

1. Frugality is wretchedness... with a good name.
2. Climbing mountains that were molehills exhausting work.

3. Why do you have to have a lawyer to get a divorce...but not to get married?
4. Scandals in churches are... usually of biblical proportions.
5. Honesty is the best policy...but not the cheapest one.
6. Men can learn to understand's just easier to hold the remote control to the TV.
7. You have a mind like an umbrella...good for a rainy day but not good enough to jump off a cliff with. 
8. As far as can be determined...the purpose of life is to fill in the blanks on the forms.
9. If you want to get anywhere in life... put the horse before the cart.
10. Nothing is quite as much wasting time.
Simple things you can do to save the world...
1. Drop your middle name, you don't need it.
2. Never make copies of any thing except your divorce decree.
3. Support your church, synagogue, or mosque...why take chances.
4. Never generate more trash than can be contained in your pockets.
5. Never subscribe to anything unless it's on the Internet.

Submitted  by Salley  Hedley-Hollyhocker, Green Person


The following comes from Roving Correspondent, Billy Bob Bodine,111,
 over at Soda City:

News Flash. Yesterday, two melon-stomping, hog rangers, driving a 1990 light green Ford F-150 with lined bed and toolkit, and hemi-engine with chrome wheels, failed to negotiate a curve on Route 77 near Hedley's Corners and blazed a trail through a field belonging to Sturd Sheepshed destroying part of his crop of first-year corn, hitting a prize goat who had left his pen and destroying the peace and rustic quiet of the entire community. After traversing the field in an erratic manner, the two drove straight into Sturd's barn with its priceless "SEE ROCK CITY" sign (Classified as an historic site last year) and damaged a re-financed John Deere tractor and several farm implements scaring the bejeebers out of a couple of farm hands in the hayloft.  When the deputies arrived and administered sobriety test the two, Harlow Hedley, Jr. and Barlow Stedley,111, both residents of Soda City and both with prior convictions for public drunkenness, driving without licenses, and popcorn theft from the Soda City Movie Palace, and were removed to the county detention facility after being charged with extremely drunken driving, endangering public safety, destruction of property of one Sturd Sheepshed, public nuisance,driving without licenses, Driving stolen truck, injury to crop of first-year corn, malicious maliciousness, damaging an historic site or marker, and bad mullets.
Submited by Garthly Shuttler. Joke of the week?
One gardener to another: "What's new?"
Gardener number two answers: "Not mulch! What's new with you?

Brilliant, Garthly. Just brilliant!
The last words of Hedley Shimerheimer: "Waiter! I'll have another jumbo order of Belgravian Rolled Ox Tongues and a large order of Moravian Pork Rinds with a side order of Slovenian Horse Radish and garlic."

I would like to thank my friend and fellow blogger for passing along to me the coveted and much appreciated "Versitile Blogger Award."  Few, probably, are so undeserving as I...few so unversatile as I; but, as one who succumbs quite easily to flattery, and shmooze, I accept this award in the proper spirit and thank Gary Philip Pennick at: for the honor and prestige attached.

Now, I must tell you seven things about myself, a task that is not easy for me.
1. I am 25 years shy of one hundred years old.
2. My working life, before I retired, was spent as an art director, creative director, and illustrator in the advertising business.
3. I loved every minute of it ...but I would not like to do it again.
4. My lovely wife and I have been married 54 happy years.
5. I love blogging.
6.I love Mozart.
7. As Chuckles the Clown said, "A song; a dance; a shot of seltzer down the pants!"
If you knew me...I would like you. 


klahanie said...

Hello Count Sneaky,
Yet anther interesting list you have submitted here.
I certainly didn't waste my time visiting you site and it was actually quite fun.
Good day to you. Kind wishes,Gary

Tony Single said...

Amen to #10, Count. And amen to #3 of Simple Things You Can Do To Save The World. Brilliant! :P

TALON said...

These were all great! I laughed all the way through!

At least I'm doing my part to save the world - I don't have a middle name :)

曹初帆張武茜 said...

Pay somebody back in his own coin. .......... . . . ............. .......... ..........

張陳俊凱柏 said...

It is easier to get than to keep it.......................................................................