Tuesday, August 24, 2010

No. 17

"No, my dear Edmund, I am not interested in seeing your etchings or your art school diploma."

1. Everything comes to him who waits...except a haircut.
2. Follow the example of Dolly Parton...never
hide your lights under a bushel basket.


3. Give the Devil his due...put it on your credit card.
4. How does one grease lightning... since it never strikes twice in the same place.

5. Keep up with the Jones...they're trying to keep up with the Hedleys who are trying to keep up with the Sturdleys who are trying to keep up with their creditors.
6. If  bars have a "Happy Hour" is the rest of the time there miserable?

7. Memory is very selective...it always favors your side of the story.
8. Don't try to play hard ball...unless you can throw some curves.
9. If you're such a mathematical genius...why hasn't your life added up to anything?
10. Life is what happens... when you are out to lunch.

 Excerpts from the the notebook of Gengis Khan
Titled, "The Seven Most Effective Habits of Conquerors:

1. Never , never take "no" for an answer.
2. Plan ahead...but attack from behind.
3. Push the envelope until the paradigm shifts.
4. Being a conqueror is better than being conquered.
5. The universe may be meaningless...but having
 a thousand concubines ain't.
6. Never look back...What's gaining on you is your hips.
7. There is no such thing as too much looting and pillage.

Submitted by Shedley Tuglow, our  Roving Historical Research correspondent.

 The Starving Artists Sale over at the Hilton last week was declared a success today by Victoria Tingle, our Roving Culture correspondent. Fifteen starving artists were sold along with all their paints and canvases.

Quote of the month.
We do not receive wisdom. We must discover it ourselves, after a journey through the wilderness, which none can make for us, which no one can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world.
Marcel Proust

"Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like
 and let the food fight it out inside."
Mark Twain

Sturdley Shinglehammer, the world's worst living poet, submits a little doggerel from time to time...
this is another bow-wow:

My mother was a short pea-hen.
My father was a tall penguin.
Every day with dad was formal dress,
But I was just a total mess.
Then one day I grew anew ,
And turned a bright, beautiful blue.
Now, I'm on daily exhibit,
And, my parents finally get it.

Sturdley Shinglehammer

Quote of the day from Harley Bentbow of Lake Studebaker: 
"As I told the other driver in court...a simple hand gesture would have been sufficient!" 
Copyright 2010 by HTStone


TALON said...

Sturdley Shinglehammer is much much better than his title implies :) What pictures he painted in my head!

As always, I giggled throughout and enjoyed immensely. Especially no. 7! lol!

nothingprofound said...

Number 7-so true. And number nine is my absolute favorite.