"Drawing on my fine command of the language, I said nothing."
ROBERT BENCHLEY, Chips Off the Old Block,
1. If , at first, you don't succeed...don't admit you tried.
2. Descartes, updated..."I twitter, therefore I am."
3. As Will Shakespeare said, "We are such stuff as dreams are made of "...if we have the right credit limit.
4. The buck stopped over there...it was out of gas.
5. Light one candle rather than curse the darkness... then pay the power bill you forgot to pay.
6. As you age, it is more efficient to rely on your judgement... rather than your memory.
7. Knights in shining armor spend most of their time...shining their armor.
8. If rebirth is a reality...you'll be able to make the same mistakes all over again.
9. If you want to get back on your feet...
sell your car.
10. Blowback is the unintended or undesirable results of a decision, or as we call it... Congress in session.
WILL ROGERS ON "POLITIKS"...
"We are always reading statistics and figures. Half of America does
nothing but prepare propaganda for the other half to read.
February 24, 1929
They say hot air rises. And I guess it does. An airplane flying over the capitol the other day caught fire from outside sources."
January 27, 1924
"Politics is not the high-class, marvelous thing that lots of you picture. Our whole government workings are crammed with baloney. But with all the hooey, it's the best system there is in the world, and the honesty of our men in big jobs is very high...there is many dumb ones get in there, but no downright dishonest ones."
November 10, 1932
"Every time Congress starts to tax some particular industry, it rushes down to Washington and scares them out of it."
February 29, 1932
"The crime of taxation is not in the taking of it, it's in the way it's spent."
March 30, 1932
"Taxation is about all there is to government. You know, people don't want their taxes lowered near as much as the politicians try to make you believe.
People want just taxes more than they want lower taxes."
November 2, 1924
"The Senate just sits and waits to find out what the president wants, so they know how to vote against him. Be a good joke on 'em if he didn't let 'em know what he wants."
June 29, 1930
"I'm anxious to see how they will classify these newly elected Senators and Congressmen. Some are Republicans, but Liberals; some are Democrats, but not Liberals. Some are Democrats and just use the label; some are Republicans, just to try and keep an old custom alive. This next Congress is sure going to be a bunch of mongrels."
November 6, 1934
What does the Senate do with all the knowledge they demand from other people? They never seem to use it."
June 12, 1930
From "Will Rogers Speaks," by Bryan B. Sterling and Frances N. Sterling , 1995, ISBN O-87131-771-0. M. Evans and Company, Inc. NY
IF I HAD A HADDOCK...
by Sturdley Shinglehammer, the world's worst living poet.
I went to the fish house,
To get some cod.
I opened the door and thought,
"This is very odd!"
I was greeted by a tuna,
Who blushed bright red,
As he got the nightclothes,
And put the oysters to bed.
Suddenly the catfish purred,
And the wild and crazy perch,
Left the confused lobsters,
floundering in the lurch.
Written for the halibut by Sturdley Shinglehammer, January 2011