Thursday, April 14, 2011

No. 48

SPRING ODE
***
Spring has sprung,
The leaves are hung,
Everything's turned to green,
And birds have started to preen.
And I'm waiting for my phone to rung.
Sturdley  Shinglehammer
***
1. No one starts from scratch...except chickens.
***
2. Remember, nobody can touch your
thoughts or dreams. 


3. Keep an eleven-foot pole for...those things 
you wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole.
***
4. Being the subject of criticism is like being
 the bug...on someone else's windshield.
***
5. If you believe in love at first sight...
You'd better wear a blindfold when 
you go out.
***
6. Remember... You are an equal
opportunity sinner
***
7. People who mean well...are a clear
and present danger.
***
8. Pull over and let that passing fancy...
have the road.
***
9. Everyone my age is an adult...
but not all are grown-ups.
***
10. If you think marriage will broaden you...
it will exceed your expectation by 
many pounds.
Our roving correspondent for Whatever,  Kimmie Jimbel, sends this report from Wordpress City. 
***
The Woodchopper's Ball was held last Saturday at the new Smiggley-Ritz Hotel.
Ten new Debutante Woodchoppers were presented to the members along with eight Junior Debutante Woodchoppers during a lavish dinner which featured Pheasants a la Flamande, Capon a la Godord and Salade de  Grouse a la Soyer (accent marks are needed here somewhere). The Dinner Program featured selections from the 
"Sound of Music" and "Hop" by Miss Tina Tingle and Miss Lucille Liplock. Miss Tanya Barnsworth was named Queen of the 2011 Woodchoppers Ball and was presented by Senator Barfley Bodine, who then made a rather long ( read borinnggg) presentation featuring his new book, followed by election of officers. Mr. Mal Factor was elected Big Woodchopper, Mr. Jerome Jerms was elected Assistant Big Woodchopper and the other positions were, mercifully, quickly filled.  Music for dancing and dining was provided  by "Leo" Fortnightly and his Lyrical Lions. An evening of dancing concluded with a brunch at the Smiggley-Ritz Dining Room and French Snack Bar. Needless to say, a good time was had by all...so I won't. 
***
"Man is the Reasoning animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute.
MARK TWAIN
***
No civilization can be perfect until exact equality
between man an woman is included.
MARK TWAIN
***
     

 WHAT?
"That's not a lie; it's a termanological inexactude."
ALEXANDER HAIG /1983
***
UMMM... YEAH.
"Capital punishment is our society's recognition of 
the sanctity of life."
ORRIN HATCH /1988
***
SO WILL MOUSETRAPS?
"Nuclear powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a
reality in ten years."
ALEX LEWYT/ 1955
***
Strutz the Cat, blog mascot:" Spring is here...so?"
***
HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE PLEASE!
I am pleased to announce the newest blog on the block,
THE COUNT SNEAKY BRONZE AWARD FOR WHATEVER.


It will be awarded(?)  from time to time to anyone I deem worthy  for
 reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
You might, if you like, write an acknowledgement or a decline of award statement, or nothing at all, if you prefer. The first recipient of the
Award is my friend, Gary Phillip Pennick of "Klahanie. blogspot.com"
for being Gary, a good friend!
Huzzah!
(APPLAUSE)
***
CopyrightHTStone2011

14 comments:

klahanie said...

Greetings Henry,
You never cease to amaze, astound and delight me with your very clever and witty collection of musings.
I'm just going to go to the store that sells eleven-foot poles...however, before I go, I wish to thank you so very much for bestowing that 'whatever' award to me, yes me, shy, humble, unassuming me. I shall proudly display the award on my site and it will duly be celebrated in an upcoming posting.
Thank you my friend and thank you for such a wonderful and delightful blog.
In kindness and friendship, Gary.

Grandpa said...

Count Sneaky, greetings from The Farm. I like what I read here. And I agree with Twain about man being the reasoning animal.
Thanks for stopping by at The Farm with your comment.

Grandpa
Life on The Farm

Count Sneaky said...

You are quite welcome and deserving of the first Count Sneaky Bronze Award For Whatever. I could not award it to you because of your humility or shyness or even your unassuming ever-interesting blog. No. I am awarding this soon to be coveted and ignored award for LEEKS. That's right. Being a Colonial, I thought this was a sort of onion or a cousin of garlic, but no, you set me straight with your recent blog about twilight in Leeks, your hometown. Display it with pride...or discreetly...or, at least. Thanks for being a friend and fellow blogger...I am informed by a friend that eleven-foot poles are all backordered. The complete supply was exhausted by politicians across the country running for office. My best.

Count Sneaky said...

GRANDPA: Merci beaucoup. So glad to have you, come back often. As Twain remarked later, who is that tells us how great we are anyway? Why man himself. I really liked The Farm and will be back.

TALON said...

I'm laughing out loud at Strutz's expression, Henry! You're an amazing artist. Cats seem to take most everything with a shrug, don't they?

"Needless to say...so I won't" - lol!

Oh, and I loved Sturdley's ode to spring :)

Grandpa said...

In my haste I missed the Award presentation there. I'm very pleased that the deserving recipient is my good friend too. Well done Gary!

nothingprofound said...

Count, so many good ones here it's hard to choose a favorite. Your salted-not sugared-almonds at Reason's feast always remind me of this Bernard Shaw quote: "My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world."

Paul said...

...actually, I did got an eleven-foot many years ago, and with "progress", I'm currently contemplating buying an 14-foot pole...you know just in case...BTW, do the Americans give out Awards for this?...perhaps not...anyway, I'm sure you can print me a certificate, if not, I can always get one in Mainland China. Have a nice day.

Judie said...

H, I think I will create an award just for Count Sneaky, for lifting my spirits every week. It will have to wait until the remodel of our master bath has been completed, because I am currently up to my eyeballs in plumbing fixtures, vessel sinks, and tile. The world is too much with me.

GEM said...

Hello Count Sneaky

This is my first visit to your blog and I thoroughly enjoy and appreciate your "off the wall" thought process. # 4 reminds me of the quote "what people think of you is none of your business". It's not a bad rule to live one's life by!

Thanks

GEM

Count Sneaky said...

NOTHING PROFOUND: Thank you, Marty. I'm flattered to think that I remind you of that quote. I am reminded by that quote of Harry Truman who said, "I don't give 'em hell. I just tell 'em the truth and they think it's hell!" My best

Count Sneaky said...

PAUL: Sorry Paul, we Americans give out a lot awards but not for 14 foot poles. We should. So, I can't give you a certificate for one. Good luck and please drop by anytime. My best.

JUDIE: Judie, Judie, Judie...nothing pleases me more than making someone's day a little brighter. Good luck on the remodeling. I would be honored by an award from you. My best.

GEM: Thank you Gem and please do comeback often. I change the blog ever week by Friday. My best.

Drew Byrne said...

Perhaps, it is not too wise to wait for the phone to ring in the spring, as it might only be an utilities salesman who knows your name who you are waiting for, but do not want to speak to.

Hazelmarie Elliott (Mattie) said...

Well, Count Sneaky, I had a wonderful visit with you today! How could I not have discovered you sooner? Your aphorisms are delightful - your blog full of humor and wit. I especially liked, 'Remember, nobody can touch your thoughts and dreams.' How very true.

The eleven-foot pole? Well, that one is priceless. I wonder how long I'd have to wait for one of those?(smile)

Nice meeting you,
M.