1. Ladies, if you wish to re-mold a man...you must first reduce him to a shapeless mass.
2. Nothing is more comfortable than old shoes and old ideas.
3. A day well-spent...pays dividends.
4. It's a lot cheaper to build your castles in the air...than on the ground.
5. Paying as you go... means you can keep on going.
6. Yes! It is rocket science...bottle rocket science!
7. Experience is the best teacher...if the manual
is not available.
8. Having everything is no good... if you have no place to put it.
9. Try your best to make every one else look good...and they will return the favor.
10. Make no decisions in a hurry...take your time and you can still make the same mistakes.
Sturdley Shinglehammer's Poetic Pointlessness for the Kiddies...
Under the bed,
And in the closet,
Dwells a red ,
His name is Retch,
He can really run,
And even fetch,
He's a lot of fun.
But, he's so hideous,
I guess it's 'cause,
He's so fastidious,
With his claws.
He would frighten,
Tween here and Brighton
If I would own up.
So, I don't mention,
Good 'old Retch,
It'll only cause tension,
Among adults and setch!
For the grownups, or semi-grownups, Sturdley Shinglehammer, the world's worst living poet, wrote the following doggerel :
DINING A LA ROAD
Three hungry buzzards by the road,
Dining on flattened frog and toad,
One looked at the other two,
And said, "What I wouldn't do,
For some venison on Spode.
Justin Laketimber, Marquis de Moribund, Bo Zeau,Victoria Tingle,
Sturdley Shinglehammer, Hedley B. Hedley, Marlo Barlow,
Barlow Bodine, Lesley Bleachly, Harley Loopenhicker,
Theodore Tuglow, Dr. Sugarfoot, Hedley Chuckwood,
Derek Dewclaw, Yvonne Barnburner, Maria von Schnooky,
Jen N. Tonic, Al Koholic, Tess T. Party, Sheila Shaglow,
Daphne Dolittle, Rexalla Jetsam, Sturdley Flotsam,
Sturdley Spasmodik, Arlo Shackley, Robert "Bob" Bungo,
Dudley Dipstick, "Cooter" Murky, Contessa Maria "Gigli"
von Stradivaria, Bob Ivanavich Pistov, Molly B., and
The christening of the SHIP OF FOOLS will take place this weekend. The ceremonies will be under the direction of a Distinguished Fool, Sir Diet Caviar, Knight of the Square Peg, CD, DVD, ER, and will feature an address by another Distinguished Fool, Sir Round Hole, BB, BO, ZO who will speak on the necessity for exploration of trade possibilities with Patagonians and keeping open the lines of communication with the recently discovered new world which has been mistakenly identified as Nassau, but is really Nicaragua.
Aurore Dudevant, "Miss Fool, 2011" will christen the ship and pose for pictures and close the ceremonies by trying to sing the national anthem. Seating will be available for the handicapped and politicians. Beer Stands will open four hours before ceremonies begin. Happy hour prices. Recycle your cans.