Thursday, February 10, 2011

No.38

1. Ladies, if you wish to re-mold a man...you must first reduce him to a shapeless mass.
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2. Nothing is more comfortable than old shoes and old ideas.
3. A day well-spent...pays dividends.
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4. It's a lot cheaper to build your castles in the air...than on the ground.
5. Paying as you go... means you can keep on going.
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6. Yes! It is rocket science...bottle rocket science!
7. Experience is the best teacher...if the manual
is not available.
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8. Having everything is no good... if you have no place to put it.
9. Try your best to make every one else look good...and they will return the favor.
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10. Make no decisions in a hurry...take your time and you can still make the same mistakes.

Sturdley Shinglehammer's Poetic Pointlessness for the Kiddies...

RETCH
Under the bed,
And in the closet,
Dwells a red ,
Hairy deposit.

His name is Retch,
He can really run,
And even fetch,
He's a lot of fun.

But, he's so hideous,
I guess it's 'cause,
He's so fastidious,
With his claws.

He would frighten,
Every grownup,
Tween here and Brighton
If I would own up.

So, I don't mention,
Good 'old Retch,
It'll only cause tension,
Among adults and setch!


For the grownups, or semi-grownups, Sturdley Shinglehammer, the world's worst  living poet, wrote the following doggerel :

DINING A LA ROAD
Three hungry buzzards by the road,
Dining on flattened frog and toad,
One looked at the other two,
And said, "What I wouldn't do,
For some venison on Spode.


CONTRIBUTORS:
Justin Laketimber, Marquis de Moribund, Bo Zeau,Victoria Tingle,
Sturdley Shinglehammer, Hedley B. Hedley, Marlo Barlow,
Barlow Bodine, Lesley Bleachly, Harley Loopenhicker,
Theodore Tuglow, Dr. Sugarfoot, Hedley Chuckwood,
Derek Dewclaw, Yvonne Barnburner, Maria von Schnooky,
Jen N. Tonic, Al Koholic, Tess T. Party, Sheila Shaglow,
Daphne Dolittle, Rexalla Jetsam, Sturdley Flotsam,
Sturdley Spasmodik, Arlo Shackley, Robert "Bob" Bungo,
Dudley Dipstick, "Cooter" Murky, Contessa Maria "Gigli"
von Stradivaria, Bob Ivanavich Pistov, Molly B., and
Benito Revolta.


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The christening of the SHIP OF FOOLS will take place this weekend.  The ceremonies will be under the direction of a Distinguished Fool, Sir Diet Caviar, Knight of the Square Peg, CD, DVD, ER, and will feature an address by another Distinguished Fool, Sir Round Hole, BB, BO, ZO who will speak on the necessity for exploration of trade possibilities with Patagonians and keeping open the lines of communication with the recently discovered new world which has been mistakenly identified as Nassau, but is really Nicaragua.
Aurore Dudevant, "Miss Fool, 2011" will christen the ship and pose for pictures and close the ceremonies by trying to sing the national anthem. Seating will be available for the handicapped and politicians. Beer Stands will open four hours before ceremonies begin. Happy hour prices. Recycle your cans.


Sweet as a breeze of Shalimar is a life well lived.

Copyright HTStone2011



5 comments:

Fran said...

Love your list of contributors. Very 'Dickens'!

Judie said...

I needed a Count Sneaky fix, and by Jove, I got it!! What a great way to end the day!!

desk49 said...

Yes it was fun
on this memory run
so with no farther a due
I'll send them back to you LOL

1. Just tell him no.
2. Once they were new
3. You have to do part of it over again??
4. And harder to keep it upright
5. Till you can’t pay
6. Rocket science with a bang
7. And the hardest to learn
8. Or no one fighting over it when you’re dead
9. Till you’re out of everything
10. Just later in life and pay more for it.

And a mug of brew
Said the one to
The other two

I see I see
You should of
Included me
On this ship of fools.

nothingprofound said...

Love this set, Count. 3,4,5,8 & 9. All great truths masked by your usual levity.

"Having everything is no good...if you have no place to put it."-My standout favorite.

TALON said...

County Sneaky, I have to say that Sturdley never fails to make me smile :)