Thursday, April 21, 2011

No. 49


"It is wise to apply the oil of refined politeness to the 
mechanisms of  friendship."
COLETTE
***
1. If you engage in random acts of kindness...
consider senseless acts of beauty also.
***
2. When discussing a divorce...cut off the TV.
It's probably responsible.
3. Someone else's life is like a meatloaf...
you don't know what went into it.
***
4. The difference between an opinion and an ideology is temporary and one is permanent.
5. Make sure the company you keep 
isn't... bankrupt.
***
6. Write...and the world laughs, cries,
and thinks with you.
7.  Don't look so far ahead...the world 
is right under your feet.
***
8.  We need our egotists...they provide much free entertainment.
9.  You have a very open mind... in fact,
you could call it porous.
***
10.  A thing of beauty may not not be 
a joy forever...but the payments will seem to last forever.
***

In French, the word "menagerie" means "household." 
In English it means "a collection of animals" or 
"a place where animals are confined."
Go figure!
***
Senator Barfley B. Bodine


WASHINGTON, DC: Senator Barfley B. Bodine announced today
in a press conference held at the lavish dining room of "Americans
For Any Kind Of Action," that he is opposed to raising taxes on doughnuts, but he is not opposed to exempting bagels from the new
 tax despite the fact that the new revenue bill has holes in it.
However, he will vote for the bill if the enhanced version carries a restructured rider exempting cream cheese manufacturers. 
He then asked everyone to look under their seat and they would find
 an autographed copy of his new book, "What Is A Paradigm...And Where Do We Put Them?" The conference was interrupted several time by shouts from the rear of the hall and security officers
were forced to remove Mrs. Pamela Paradigm from the hall in a blaze of profanity.
***
BABOON SEEKS MATE
Nonsmoking baboon, single,young, twentyish,  wants to meet single
young, nonsmoking, female baboon, twentyish or so. Must be
witty, attractive, intelligent, and have lots of bananas in bank.
Should enjoy walks in forest, sunsets , picnics and ants.
Respond with letter and non-photoshopped photo.
or a glossy 8x10. Send to Walter / Ape House
Metro Zoo.
***
"My Father never raised his hand to any one of his children...
except in self-defense."
FRED ALLEN
***
"Imitation is the sincerest form of television."
FRED ALLEN
***
 
"Every time I look at you, I get a fierce desire to be lonesome."
OSCAR LEVANT
***

"I envy people who drink...at least, they have
something to blame it on."
OSCAR LEVANT
 ***
Uncle Freddie was a dreamer,
Bought a roller coaster called "Screamer,"
Went broke and couldn't make payments,
Had to settle debts by swapping it
For a brand new Beamer.

STURDLEY SHINGLEHAMMER

***
***
***
HOLD YOUR APPLAUSE PLEASE!

I am pleased to announce the newest blog on the block,
THE COUNT SNEAKY BRONZE AWARD FOR WHATEVER.


My very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised.
It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy  for
 reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
You might, if you like, write an acknowledgement or a decline of award
 statement, or nothing at all, if you prefer. The first recipient of the
Award is my friend, Gary Phillip Pennick of "Klahanie. blogspot.com"
for being Gary, a good friend!
Huzzah!
(APPLAUSE)
***
CopyrightHTStone2011


12 comments:

TALON said...

I love No. 1, Henry. Senseless acts of beauty - the world could definitely use more of those! And No. 3 is so very true.

Sturdley never disappoints :)

And congrats to Gary on the fabulous Bronze Award!

Grandpa said...

I like No.6 and 7., and hope I'm not No.9

That's a great late twist to 'Paradigm". And the ad from the Baboon - presence of photoshop shows how current you are.

Thank you Count Sneaky, for yet another refreshing quotes.

Grandpa
Life on The Farm

Fran said...

I love the meatloaf one, although, as a vegetarian, I squirmed.

Jinksy said...

It's taken so long to scroll through all the variations, thet, like a goldfish, I can't remember the ones I saw first! LOL. Do you not think the post suffers a little from overkill? Elegant pen drawings throughout from a definitely smiley pen, though...

nothingprofound said...

"Baboon Seeks Mate"-absolutely priceless, as are aphorisms 7 & 8. Wonder how many visitors here know Fred Allen. I can remember my father listening to him on the radio.

Friko said...

Really?
In that case let me comment:

Who are you? Why have I not come across you before? If this post is an example of your usual oeuvre, I must come back; I like a laugh.

I saw you have joined Fridge Soup, a little communal effort I started. Thank you for for that, I wouldn't have found you otherwise.

Paul said...

1. Just keep your clothes on, thank you!
2. I thought it is blogging on PC.
3. A few days ago a little girl in China died from nitrite poisoning after eating a piece of fried chicken (lucky you Americans).
4. If it is good, I don't mind having it permanent.
5. Are you?
6. .....
7. I thought it is paradise....(sigh)
8. Thank you!
9. I am interested in catching fish only; let the water be gone!
10. Not if you’re Carlos.

Greg said...

I am definitely a bankrupt meatloaf! A great post Count Sneaky. I loved your pictures, and the quote about drinking. What better to blame your problems on than a bottle of scotch! Drink up!

Count Sneaky said...

TALON: No. 1 is my favorite also. Yes, Gary certainly deserved the Bronze Award. So, might I add, you also deserved the Bronze Award...both of you for whatever!

GRANDPA: Actually the baboon is not "Photoshopped" at all
but is a piece of art ( steel engraving) fro before the 20th century. All the illustrations I use in my blog are Mid-Late Victorian drawings, English and American; and, due to my mistake, this is not a baboon, but a chimp. Thanks for coming by.

FRAN: Fran, I regret having made you squirm. I suppose I am a career omnivore, and one who has consumed a lot of meatloaf in my day and I just couldn't help relating it to people and their unpredictability.

JINKSY: I love doing this blog and have a hard time trying to stop at times... so I plead guilty. As I said to Grandpa, all the drawings are Victorian. A lot of them are by the American illustrator, Charles Dana Gibson, as well as various Punch illustrators. Always a pleasure to have your company. My best.

NOTHINGPROFOUND: Marty, I grew up listening to Fred Allen's "Allen's Alley" with Senator Claghorn and the other denizens every week on the radio. It was my favorite show, along with the Green Lantern and Jack Armstrong , The All-American Boy. It's getting hard to find Fred's material anymore, but he was a comic genius.

FRIKO: Please come again. It will be my pleasure. I have been around for a couple of years, and I'm glad you found me and I promise to try to make you smile or laugh every week. Fridge Soup is a fine blog that I found by accident and I'm glad I did. My best.

Count Sneaky said...

PAUL: Your comments are funny. I think you should write a humor blog. I can't top all of the comments...but #5, I am not bankrupt. I don't have enough assets or property to get in the door of the bankruptsy court. No. 7, it could be (double sigh!)
Maybe. Possibly.

Count Sneaky said...

GREG: Thanks for the good words. Actually, gin, bourbon, cognac, and plain old beer are just as consoling (so I've been told.)

TonyBravo said...

I consider myself to have been fortunate enough to have happened upon this blog . The things here are Rich in content,and humor i can't get enough .

Senator Barfley B. Bodine,I like,I like them all but this one stands out .