Saturday, June 11, 2011


Grown up and that is a terribly hard thing to do.  It is much easier
 to skip it and and go from one childhood to another.

1. It doesn't matter if you have designer cannons...
if you are out of cannon balls.
2. In the human body, the jawbone is the hardest is also the hardest to control.

3. Graduating from the School of Hard Knocks
qualifies you...for graduate degrees in the 
School of Hard Knocks.
4. The Society of Can Kickers has decided to hold their annual year.

5. A fashion designer is one who would put...
zippers on marsupials.
6. Push an analogy too far...and you'll
tire your audience out.
7. I am old enough to tell the truth...I just 
can't remember what it was or where I put it.
8. Going anywhere in a handbasket  anymore...
is quite a trick.
9. Thinking about stuff...keeps my mind off things.
10. A politician is the only person who can talk in circles...without getting dizzy.
In response to my demands for better accommodations, food, and service, you have accepted all of my demands, albeit a little grudgingly and somewhat 
hesitantly for a cat of my class...I have nevertheless decided to stay on with you, not only out of sentimental attachment, but out of a genuine desire to improve two lives. I have nine of them so I can afford to waste a couple of them...what the hey!  My new litterbox with shower and bed with nightlight and Tempur-Pedic mattress should be adequate. I do appreciate your efforts and given your income and expenses, it must be a strain...but I'm worth it.
Now, before I take a nap, I must express my continued dissatisfaction with the gourmet cat food you bought from The Dollar Store. Come on, folks! Really! The Dollar Store?  If you will correct this travesty by next week, I shall continue to live in this impoverished, yet rather loving, household.

PS: In the event of a better offer, I'm still open. So shape up, or I ship out.
                                                                                          STRUTZ (Signed by paw print.)

The freelance writer is the person who is paid per piece or word
or perhaps.
The International Tug-Of -War Federation has ruled that a proposed match between a clutch of clowns and a herd of cattle would tend to make the sport a laughing stock.

The weasel and the mongoose,
Dined on bread and joy juice, 
And feasted on mussels and clam,
with kudzu bread and jelly jam,
In a boat pulled by a moose.

By Sturdely Shingleheimer
World's worst living poet.
(Recent booking photo.)

Translation of aria from third act of Carmen, by Sturdley Shinglehammer.
Carmen enters with cigar and sings:

"O Rapture! Rapture! Rapture....You have ruptured my rapture and I beseech  to besmooch me, little lovely bull!  Tore-adora  Oh! Oh! Ah! Ah!....OHHHHHHHHH!
Besot my rupture, besmooch my hand, Give me flower from your have cigar I make for you. Oh! Ah! Eh!...YEEEEEEEE!  I have no have match. I make you another cigar, my big bully fighter, besame mucho macho, I rupture...
(Carmen takes puff from stogie.)
(Stage note: Don Juan, do not attempt to besame mucho Carmen without 
removing cigar from mouth.)
Lyrics copyright 1888 by Jackwagon Press. Infringement of copyright carries punishment of having to sit through a performance of entire opera as translated by Sturdley Shinglehammer, world's worst living librettist.



The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised.
It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy  for
 reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.


NOTE: You are not allowed to leave this blog without a smile, a laugh or feeling better about your life.


Judie said...

As usual, Henry, you have made my day a little brighter! Hurrah!!!!

desk49 said...

1. Thoughts of war but who needs cannon balls when rocks are free of foot.
2. And so I close my mouth.
3. Knock Knock
4. So save the cans.
5. Still thinking about that one.
6. Tell our politicians that.
7. And that is the truth LOL
8. Not after a fifth of scotch
9. But that is why I’m self centered.
10. And no truer truth was spoken

Another fine twist of twinge words.

THE SNEE said...

I see that Strutz continues to put the pressure on. Will his efforts be rewarded with sweet meats, and a usable mattress? I certainly hope so! The maxims on the difficult to control jaw, and overuse of analogy are clearly written with me in mind. It is like......uhoh. My jaw seems to be flapping again! I will go crawl back to my blog now to think about some stuff. It keeps me distracted. heeheehee.

Eez said...

Count Sneaky, sir,

What a delight to eventually get back into the blogging world and come across your comments on my blog.

It would appear that I now have your blog to read: It looks rather intriguing, to say the least.

I will now grab a bottle of something special and lock myself away for a few hourse in order to immerse myself in Count Sneaky's writings.

My compliments of the day to you,


Paul said...

Always love the cat's wisdom, and amused by his/her demands. Amused because we're not expected to respond or do anything. Not so in the real world where public demand of whatever kind, for good or for bad, has to be entertained, irrespective of how conflicting it is upon other (previous) demands by the same group or other groups. Puzzled or frustrated by the real world? Get some consolations from listening to the cat's demand. Have some fun and have a laugh. We're on upper hand here, always.....

Thought Bubble Ten said...

Said this cat: We are not amused/

Said I: Oh, but we are!

A delight as always :)

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