"Wit is not aimed at muscles so much as at the heart; and the latter will sometimes
smile when there is not a single wrinkle on the cheek."
1. Watch your step...or you won't get to first base.
2. A level playing field favors...the level headed.
Ferlin P. Freely, Financial and Spiritual Adviser to the Level-Headed.
3. Two wrongs don't make a right...but one wrong makes a divorce.
4. A politician is the only person who can talk in circles...without getting dizzy.
5. Hopefully when your ship comes in...you will be able to unload it.
6. Thinking about stuff...keeps your mind off things.
7. How boring life would be if we had nothing to complain about...or imagine.
8. I am monarch of all I survey...in my bathroom.
9. If you need me, just put your lips together and uh,...text
10. Brightly dawns each day...we are allowed to run and play.
The new Shedly-Barnburner Better Mouse Trap was unvieiled this week at the annual Better Mousetrap Inventors Convention in Boston. It was a show-stopper and resulted in a flood of offers to its inventors, Shedly Hedley and B.B. Barnburner, both of Moosetrap, ND. A spokesman for the two said, "We
worked on the premise that if you build a better mousetrap...uh, it will, uh
uh, catch...better mice!
The Worst of the Best...or the Best of the Worst.
1. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure of the former. ALBERT EINSTEIN
2. I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said
to be living apart. e.e. cummings
3. No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter
someone else's draft. H.G.WELLS
4. I am not one of those who don't believe in love at first sight,
but I believe I taking a second look. HENRY VINCENT
5. I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full.
And scratch where it itches. ALICE ROOSEVELT LONGWORTH
6. One learns in life to keep silent and draw one's own confusions.
CORNELIA OTIS SKINNER
7. Men love independence in a woman, but they don't waste a second demolishing it brick by brick. CANDICE BERGEN
8. Love, which is only an episode in the life of a man, is the entire history of a woman's life. MADAME de STAEL
9. Many dead books remain unburied and offend the air simply because we dishonestly pretend that they are alive and kicking. ARNOLD BENNET
10. A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle. GLORIA STEINEM
Thank you Count Sneaky for your recent fair coverage of the deplorable behavior of that old windbag Sen. Barf. Bodine on my late TV interview show "Shifted Paradigm." He ignored all of my entreaties to do the fair thing and apologize, instead he used his influence with his brother, my station manager, to get me fired from my successful interview show. It's true that I overplayed my hand a little on camera, but the old coot was making a fool out of himself and I tried to call his hand, perhaps a little hasty, but I have my integrity as an interviewer and I'm only going to take so much bull hockey from this old
windbag who has represented our state with the utmost incompetence for three terms, being the laughing stock of our capitol. His book, which I was interviewing him about is, a superb collection of nonsense and ignorance
without the least redeeming value to society. I will be quite happy to assume the post of Roving Political Correspondent of your blog. Sincerely, Pamela Paradigm
"A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck."
President JAMES GARFIELD, Motto of STRUTZ
By FERLIN P. HEDLEY BLOG
"I am Thought wearing a meat suit."
FERLIN P. HEDLEY, BLOG PHILOSOPHER
"Never drive to the Policeman's Ball in a stolen car."
BRUNO BODINE, CONVICTED FELON
"Scoon...What schooners do."
LORNA NOVELLA, THESAURIST
"A deficit is only a deficit, but a good cigar,
that is a smoke!"
RUDYARD HEDLEY, WRITER, COLONIAL KNOW-IT-ALL
" There ain't no nothing."
ALBERT STURDLEY-HEDLEY, PHYSICIST AND PSYCHIC
The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised. It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy for reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
NOTE: You are not allowed to leave this blog without a smile, a laugh or feeling better about your life.