Friday, August 12, 2011

No. 63


1.  Don't argue with anyone whose point is...
on the top of their head.
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2. Watching politicians at work is like...
watching a pot boil.
3. Procrastination enables most of our
problems...to take care of themselves.
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4. The root of all greed is... a big sale with low prices.
5. Slow and steady gets you retirement...
but fast and adaptable gets you the promotions.
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6. Always have a professional portrait on hand...in case they need it for your 
"Wanted" poster.
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7. You get the car from your father...but the drive from your mother.
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8. Become the Person of the Hour...
show off your new Rolex.

9. A happy marriage involves...
the happiness of pursuit, not the pursuit of happiness.
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10. If you can't think straight...think in 
circles and have someone straighten them 
out for you.
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Sturdley Shingleheimer's Corner.
The world's worst living poet reads his meter.


Lover's Lament
Write me a poem,
Sing me a song,
Then go back home,
Where you belong.

My Girl
I gotta girl named Frieda,
Who's always there when I needa,
But I sure wish sheda,
Been more of a Lolita.

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Serving you in the Senate for 30 years, almost.
***
As your representative, I would like to assure you that, though, I have taken all 
of last month off to sample the reaction of my constituents to events that have transpired there during my absence and to inform you that I had, consequently, nothing whatsoever to do with them,  I find the reaction of the opposition party to eliminating the enormous increase in our nation's obligations; and  to the complete obstructionism and consequent confusion arising from refusing to face realities inherent in our system of bicameral government; along with partisan party politics; to be completely discouraging in today's atmosphere of distrust, confusion and lack of bipartisan action that would insure the continuation of our economy and, well, just good stuff.

Yours for continued clarity,
Senator FERLIN J. DANGLE, JR.
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"The first thing an unpublished author should remember is that no one asked him to write in the first place. With this firmly in mind, he has no right to become discouraged just because other people are being published."
JOHN FARRAR
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NOTEBOOK
1. The latest success in food marketing is Diet Caviar.
2. Do not adjust your set...adjust your mind.
3. Then Shakespeare wrote, "Much Ado About Next To Nothing."
4. New book title, "Floss Your Way To Success."
5. The 2011 Prognosticator's Ball was rescheduled for next year.
6. As ugly as a hat full of oysters.
7.  A few courses I'd like to take at the Senior Center: Appalachian
Belly Dancing,  Waltz Racing,  Pasta Yoga,  Beginning Lithuanian,
Botox Detox,  Bouillabaisse Basting,  The Wit and Wisdom of Calvin Coolidge,   Remembering the Pontiac Bonneville,  Removing Age Spots, Feng Shui for One-Room Apartments,  Garbage In, Garbage Out: The Art of Politics,  Imposing Voluntary Morals o the Young, 
Custer's Last Stand Diagrammed,  A Peace Corps Latrine Reader, 
Raising Trolls Under Bridges,  Remembering Curb-feelers, Clear Plastic Steering Wheels and Spotlights,   How to Stage a Wet-T Shirt Contest and Why,  Raising Medical Leeches,  With-holding Tax on the Wages of Sin and How to Avoid It,  Shredding For Dummies,  Gas, Bloating and Constipation Folk Remedies,  Guide to Chiggers, Ticks and Fleas,  Rhyming Orange and Other Colors,  Crafts With Duct Tape, Building Ships In Bottles,  Folk Remedies For Moles and Warts,
Disguising Age Spots,  Dummies Guide to Schadenfreude.
8.  Remember to put your best foot forward, be it Iamb, Trochee,
Anapest, or even Dactyl. Though Dactyls are for professionals.
9. "Philomuses" are lovers of poetry.  "Limomuses" are lovers of limericks. "Barkomuses" are lovers of doggerel.
10. Charity begins with a good mailing list.

READ FAST... SUMMER IS SHORT!
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The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised. It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy  for reasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
CopyrightHTStone2011

NOTE: You are not allowed to leave this blog without a smile, a laugh or feeling better about your life.

8 comments:

Thought Bubble Ten said...

Hey Count Sneaky, it's great to come visit again after an absence of a couple of months...and so soul-warming to read your board :)

I enjoyed all of them and especially 3,4, 7 and 9. But why single these out when everything, given time, reveals a new level of meaning, a fresh humor for the soul.

Thanks for sharing the love... :)

Rathnashikamani said...

What an astounding blog!

TALON said...

I loved the procrastination quote, Henry - because I've employed that technique a few times :)

I've been trying to squeeze in some reading time this summer. The hammock guy is sooo right. Summer is way too short.

Hope you and Helen are well, Henry, and enjoying some fine weather.

Count Sneaky said...

Hi Thought Bubble Ten. So nice to have you back. Don't stay away so long next time. I think that we need more soul-warming in this ol' world and I'm trying to do my part.
As Mark Twain said, humor is the only weapon we have in this world. So...en garde! My best.

Judie said...

H., sorry I have not been around lately, but I am back now and ready for my weekly smile!!

Count Sneaky said...

Hi, Judie,
Glad to have you back! Weekly smiles coming at you.

Count Sneaky said...

Hi Rathnashikamani,
I'm astounded! Thank you for the kind words. I have been called a number of things before...but not astounding.
My best.

Count Sneaky said...

Hi, Talon,
Note that I have procrastinated on answering your e-mail.
The summer here has been very hot, but it will be over before we know it. It is never long enough to read all the books we would like to read. Helen and I are enjoying a little cool breeze today. My best.