Thursday, October 13, 2011

No. 71

"Elegance has a bad effect on my constitution."
LOUISA MAY ALCOTT (1868)


(Advertisement)

1. "Tempus Fugitaves" are ....criminals who are wanted in every time zone.
***
2. If you are invited to a costume ball...could you go as a nudist?
3. The shortest distance between two points...is rarely one your taxi
driver takes.
***
4. Scandals in church are... disasters of biblical proportion.
***

5. If honesty is the best policy...what is the cheapest policy?
***
6. Why do you need a lawyer for a divorce... but not for a marriage?
7. Two things you don't want to run out of... patience and toilet paper.
***
8. Whistle while you work...and you won't have a job long.
9. What goes before a fall?...a summer.
***
10. It's not how much you know...it's how you learned it.


NOTICE:
The Submarine Races for this week have been canceled this weekend for lack of interest resulting in poor ticket sales.
***
KNIGHT FOR HIRE
Sir Oarlock, Knight of the Garter Belt, Court of Saint
Bagatelle. Available by the hour, day, week, (Weekend
and holiday rates on request) Maidens rescued; quests undertaken; ogres, trolls and dragons located and slain; and weapons sharpened. Office located in Hucklebuck Castle on Rhine. Hours: 9am-5pm.

***
i never think at all when
i write
nobody can do two things
at the same time
and do them both well

"Archy the Cockroach"
DON MARQUIS

***
It's OOm-Pah Time...
Grab Gertie and go!
LES BON TEMPS ROLLEZ!
( Oops...sorry that's Mardi Gras.)
***
BUMPER STRIPS OF THE WEEK...
1. PLEASE DON'T SQUEEZE THE CHAIRMAN!
***
2. MY FRONTAL LOBE CAN BEAT YOUR FRONTAL LOBE!
***
3. I just SAW a PURPLE COW!
***

HOGWASH
Ichabod Keats, Barnyard Correspondent and Porcine Expert, reports from Herk Hedley's Research Farm and Fruit Stand:
A pig's snout is called a "gruntle"...therefore, if you cut off a
pig's snout, he becomes "disgruntled"...and who wouldn't?
Thank you, Ich for that little bit of barnyard wisdom and keep
those porkers gruntable.

The award above was awarded to me for being me.
It is my very own award, soon to be coveted; or ignored; or despised.It will be awarded(?) from time to time to anyone I deem worthy forreasons of my own. There are no requirements whatsoever.
CopyrightHTStone2011

NOTE: You are not allowed to leave this blog without a smile, a laugh or feeling better about your life.



3 comments:

Paul said...

...Ha ha, the funniest thing I discovered in this post is that Arrow-Boy is the 69th member of Henry's blog, situated right at the top left corner, and when I clicked Next, Arrow-Boy turned into "Tao", talking about coincidence...:):)

SprigBlossoms said...

No.8 is my favorite line in this composition. Many cheers :)

Bananazą®‡ said...

Item#6. True! So easy to-get-her but to sweat it out in court to get rid of him or her haha.