Saturday, June 12, 2010

Generic Maxims No. 7

1. Money can't buy you love...but then, neither can poverty.
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2. People who can never learn from their mistakes... are called politicians.
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3. Nice guys finish last...but they do get to spend more time on the track.
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4. Remember sticks and stones can break your bones...but your words can be held against you in court.
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5. No news is good news...but bad news is on every channel.
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6. All women are born knowing how to change men... even when they are in diapers. 
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7. Admitting you're wrong is probably not the smartest move in the book.
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8. If you're down to your last marbles...aim carefully.
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9. If you know what makes people tick...you can wind them up and reset them
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10. Immortality sounds like a good idea ...unless you have to face it without your dentures.
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Go to www.mydailyaphorism.blogspot.com for your inspiration from Nothingprofound.
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Hedley J. Twizzard, owner and operator of Twizzard Occupation Advisory and Resume Service sends in this Resume Grading Scale:
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A. Contains a few exaggerations. Some minor fabrications. 
No misspelled words. Good grammar.
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B. Contains major exaggerations.  A few major misstatements of 
public service,  military and business experience.
Few qualities bearing any relationship to reality or grammar.
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C. Gross fabrications and distortions on a  grand scale seldom seen.
Meny mittspelld words.  Attempted  cosmic manipulation.
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Hedley reminds us that, though you think your resume is comprehensive and accurately reflects your work experience and your prospects for advancement, you will be far better served by a professional resume coordinator like himself, and consequently you may avoid the problems that are brought on by inflating experience, shaving truth too closely, and telling the big one. As Hedley says, "We can do this for you at modest cost. Most employers accept our resumes without undue examination." While, of course, we cannot endorse or recommend Hedley Twizzard or  any other service, we do know that Hedley can take the most woefully unemployed,
incompetent relative and get the bull a job in a china shop!
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3 comments:

TALON said...

lol @ No. 1 - truer words never spoken!

Hope all is well Count Sneaky!

benjaminga said...

教育無他,愛與榜樣而已 ............................................................

Tony Single said...

Funny AND wise. Now that's a winning combination that I have yet to attain myself. Fabulous post, Count! :)