Friday, September 17, 2010

No. 21


Never look for a worm in the apple of your eye. Langston Hughes


1. If you put all of your eggs in one basket...don't let anyone else carry it.
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2. The accident report read...Mr. Hedley was texting to confirm his doctor's appointment when he hit the telephone pole.
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3. When you were asked to name all the state capitols in the United States of America, you  wrote...U.S.A.
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4. If you finally get to the top...you may be too tired to do anything.
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5. Your uncle was so paranoid ...he ran a background check on his minister.
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6. Take delight in the simple things of life...like your job.
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7.  Tact is knowing the other person... may be just as mistaken as you.
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8. You know when you have had enough of something...when you run out of space to put it.
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9. There has never been anything like raising children...except maybe, bonded servitude.
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10. Keep your sunny side up...but never forget to use sun tan lotion.
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LAMENT
By Sturdley Shinglehammer,
World's Worst Living Poet
I like to write in verse light,
But all my lines are a sight.
I can't scan, I can't rhyme,
I just write all the time.
(ADVERTISEMENT)


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Miss Victoria W. Tingle
Miss Victoria Tingle announces the opening of her Academy of Manners and Social Graces.  The Academy classes include: The Art of Social Dance; Advanced Ballroom Dancing; The Art of Dining Manners; Advanced Dining Manners, The Art of Social Conversation, Advanced Social Conversation; The Art of Flirting; Advanced Flirting;
The Art of Parties; Advanced Partying; The Art of Engagement; Advanced Engagement;  The Art of Life Planning; Advanced Life Planning; The Art of Wills; Advanced Wills; The Art of Happiness; Advanced Happiness;  The Art of Health; Advanced Health; and The Art of Fashion; and Advanced Fashion. Enrollment is open to young ladies of unblemished repute and family standing from age 12 to 16.
The Academy is located at the corner of Tingle Square and Glough Street.


If they don't work...try a pair of pearl earrings...If they don't work...try diamonds...
If they don't work... you in big trouble!

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Copyright 2010 HT Stone



3 comments:

TALON said...

As always, Count Sneaky, pure enjoyment. I'm so glad that Sturdley Shinglehammer is still penning away :)

Hope all is well with Helen!

Fran said...

Does Sturdley Shinglehammer have a book? I'd love to read his collection, based on that one.

Tony Single said...

I think you should put together a book, Count. I would buy a copy for me, and some copies for my friends and family. :)